words.

wait, what words?

and last thing
why do I always end up drinking when i meet Father and WJ?

{ gone at 21:50 }

Apple of my Eye,
by Patrick Redmond.

now that's an inspiring book for a teen.
if only I could be like Ronnie
life would be so much prettier.

{ gone at 15:16 }

Sunday.
supposed to be a "good day"
funny how one week has passed so fast.

sermon.
good, no good.
but it gave me a little wisdom.
i do indeed live only for the moment...
sigh.

but on a brighter side, it could have been the sermon...
could it be?
i wish it would be.
then i would slap myself,
for a good catch went by...

fishing.
my cousin's obsessed
seriously obsessed.
but perhaps its a better of many other vices...

object of desire is not evil
its the obsession.
haha...my obsession with seeking death is evil...

lastly,
i don't fear death, so much so that i fear life.
living
old age
cancer
pain
women.

{ gone at 20:19 }

Some things need not be said.
all things wise,
there is always a logical and reasonable explanation behind everything
there couldn't be otherwise.

for if that were true
it would require an assumption that man was irrational.
then the subject of Economics would fail, as it requires rational thought
philosophy would fail too...

so i would take it that people are stressed
i would accept that everyone are friends having normal conversations
people not talking to me would be due to them needing to study.

but then again, there are exceptions.

but then again, maybe it doesn't matter anymore.

but it does to me.
and it hurts.
its not fair that one blunder would lead to the next.
it really isn't.

{ gone at 23:31 }

consumed by a flame burns even on water.
i need a break
from social environments.

but even then...
i still lust for a bit of compassion,
and perhaps a companion.

hardest to quench is the thirst for the one.
but what good will it do me?

in every song, in every poem
there is a girl creeping into my lines
at each and every corner
I turn into blind alleys fit for thugs
Deceit is only second nature to the Fallen
and oh, how much have we fools fallen?

metal chains of adamantium
destructible only by my will.
and oh how weak, how weak.

{ gone at 23:22 }

ya know what,
I'll forget everything I've said
just maybe i may be making a shot in the dark.
if I'm the last to know stuff, then I should consider what still connects me and the people around me.
oh wait, was there a fucking connection in the 1st place?
probably not.

ya I'm still a kid
and kids probably need not know what adults think right
so you holier-than-thou fucked up assholes
why not go boil your shit and drink it.

-.-
i should cool down.
bzzzt.

just burn.

{ gone at 20:58 }

each and everytime you write me off,
i feel like its a knife in me.

Last night was spent with you and a Stairway To Heaven.
from a mid till 1 past,
you just stayed.
if only you would have been beside me.

burn.

{ gone at 20:34 }

If only i could hold you in your anguish.

{ gone at 22:26 }

I was happy
and nothing put me down!
woah!

its kinda funny every time i look at you now
it just boils a mixture of hatred and amusement
to regret and hopes of reconciliation...
the contrast, the comparison.
now i think to myself...wtf actually happened...

this will now be blatant to the max
Primrose, your sleeping form
gave me every reason to smile...
ah.
haha :)
i don't really mean anything la...

if anything, its always the second lesson learnt.
once again, the third is not needed.
all it takes is 3 more months...
oh Lord, just three more months of absolute subzero temperatures in my heart.

Complex numbers,
I'll make you so uncomplex, you just won't believe it.

{ gone at 20:18 }

a sweeellll of a day!

cos LT talked to me! :p
haha, rages of a hormonal pubescent.
Fade To Black...piano.

climbing the CJC Fractionating column everyday
like little droplets we condense and disappear...
distilled at the start of day,
remixed at the end...

i could conclude that today ended well,
and overall was a "good" day.

You and I Both.
I'm getting those vibes once again.
but it doesn't need a third lesson to tell me where I'm unneeded.
burn.

{ gone at 20:59 }

Pushing Pansies.

lately I've have had little to write,
and so, perhaps, I've finally lost my writing flair,
or that I've finally sorted out my feelings.

much time has passed since the start of everything...
from child to teen, from teen to old
made new friends, made friends.
got burned, spurned and lost my head.
hey, I even found God...too many times over...

but maybe its the little lessons that we learn outside of class that really matters.
maybe its not about the people you dislike, come to dislike
nor is it about those that you do like, and come to like,
but just the things that you learn
how to act, how you act, how others act.

i pride myself on my deduction skills.
but perhaps i jsut enjoy thinking of things,
piecing life bit by bit.

its a message.
i get it.
fuck me.

{ gone at 23:27 }

UP.
things went up.
in flames? or in condition?

I'm just concerned, that's all.
and cos you mean something special.
that's the truth as well.
but nothing more yet nothing less.

Tubby was wrong.
you do deserve it.
but its probably not the converse.
maybe not anymore.

smoke bombs everywhere
but come late December when the wind blows
we'll know the result of the "acid test"

{ gone at 18:56 }

I'm not going to say anything on how bad my damn day was.
it just shows on my face.
just blame it on tiredness.
cos blaming humans don't make a difference anyway.

people just don't fucking change,
and when they do, they change so fucking fast
faster than a chameleon, omg.
at least you can hear the storm brewing when it comes to me.
or perhaps its just mutual inability to see it.

you know what?
tmr will be a better day.
because today has been horrendous.
but i think,
that like all others, stuff only gets bad to worse.

{ gone at 19:58 }

everyday feels the same,
the only thing that really changes is you.
and if the flower you so seek would have another
the pain is excruciating

and every time doubt would fill your mind
and the demons would come knocking
I know how it is like to find a devil in a closet
I also know how happy the devil is, when you fall into the trap.
but sometimes, you call it instinct.
instinct to love another.
rather, instinct to procreate.

for me, its simple.
i just need to like someone.
its more like a compulsion, really.
i loved somebody once.
i pretty much liked the rest.

and sometimes, focusing on just one person,
can help allay your fears.
but more often than not, disaster strikes the jealous heart.

and so as Primrose took her leave
i was left hung up and dry.
the attempts to romanticise me life ain't fine.
but its the way i feel comforted.

Damn it.

{ gone at 19:45 }

hmmm.
so i got a GOOOOOODDD look at the Prelim time table
I think I'ma fucked.
not cos they crammed stuff (okay maybe that too)
but cos its also damn S P R E A D out
bzzzzt.
where the hols?

i guess, when you realise that you kinda need love
its because you lack the most wonderful One of all.
God.

Cried after sermon.
like finally, pressure was just released.
and maybe, just maybe
i can fulfill my wish.
ever been so alone, yet full of warmth?
bam!

Labels: salvation

{ gone at 20:00 }

I failed
Father failed
WJ failed too.
Worm, you should join us, man!

forget Red Label.
Dark Red Label is the ultimate.
its intense-ness with the incredible stand alone flavour is enough to kill.
WJ made the right choice to mix them :P

feelings. transient or not
i wish i showed more maturity of thought
and portrayed in action.
i didn't get totally drunk
simply cos i didn't lose control.
i drank less, to take care of more.
and through that semi-drunkness, i became more sober than ever.

slapping you WenJie, wasn't fun at all.
and sending you home, Father wasn't that great either.
you were retarded, ttm.
people ain't transient.
I am.

Labels: Drinks

{ gone at 00:27 }

A bit of laugh at a flier
but a real dismal outlook to tomorrow.

well, like Norman says: take one step at a time.
however, some things never seem to be what they be.

1st warm, then cold.
i get quite sick of it you know.
maybe its time to really take a backstage,
and be a fucking shadow.

seriously.
people are so hard to control.

{ gone at 19:44 }

ya know,
i don't like you in a way that involves romance.
its somewhat complicated
but i do wish ya would accept me.

bah,
I'm the world, and the world is me
but maybe I'm just so not in sync.

bzzt.
studying was fun
more more more!

{ gone at 19:57 }

so you sail away.
but I'm here to stay...
haha...

still the best i ever had
sad, ain't it.

G.I Joe makes you damn tired
for strange obscene reasons.
but it rocked.
action packed.
in short, brainless
a little not worth it, if ya ask me.
Alvin was a total retard the way home...lol

studied a little.
made a little promise.
finding it hard to keep.

but all games will come to an end.
so will all frivolity.
and maybe one day,
after 30 years, you'll take old and fond insults
maybe cause there won't be anyone left to throw them at you
same old.
like i always will be.

don't change too much people.
I might get a migraine digesting the change.

Labels: G.I. Joe

{ gone at 20:20 }

Red Label.

{ gone at 00:04 }

had the whole day to myself...
kinda half half...
at least more work was got done.
and i think I'm getting the hang of Bio and Chem.

wonders me now why the hell i couldn't do them before.
A now seems possible...
but that's just a proposition
the new timetable kinda strange.
good enough though...

night study anyone?
I might just leave myself alone though...
unless Primrose's there :P

sigh.
I've lost my soul.
no worries there.

{ gone at 23:27 }

I have this last request to make.

To my dear folks of T26,
I really wish that some of you peeps will talk to me
its kinda hard and i always end up doing something weird
but maybe I'm approaching it the wrong way.
so if i was really anti-social last year,
I'm trying this year.
but maybe now that i try, everyone decides to turn off?

look, I'm being a realist.
10 years down the road, you think you will remember me?
and if we meet, i really want to have things to talk about.
not just some outings, not just some class act
i want to talk about YOU, about US.
a little group over coffee or tea, just chilling.

and just for once, I'm stretching myself to remember every little detail that you people tell me about yourselves. Something I've never done before.

because you've made a difference in my life.
a huge one.

I will remember each one of you.
your name, your face.
and what you people meant to me

I care and I know you people do.
everyone does.
but maybe its time to be a little more explicit?

sorry if this message really seemed unfair.
but I'm really feeling like its this way.

{ gone at 20:14 }

Today i met a guy named Joshua
whose colossal size is dwarfed by his character.
he treated me like an equal,
though i was more like a shadow
the respect he had for me was like "woah"
when i was only peanuts...
and when questioned about his brilliant results,
he answered frankly, without haughtiness.
A true man, that one.
(not that being frank is a definition of being a man)


btw, his CCA cert covers 2 pages.

envious sia...

{ gone at 20:51 }

a song to sing.
did my homework, but somehow its just not enough.
and as i was doing work, i suddenly got overtaken with this fear...
that I'll indeed fail my A's...

ever felt like the whole world just ganged up on you
just for fun?

{ gone at 20:12 }

i destroyed the muscles of my feet already, probably.
blisters suck.
lesson learnt.

quarreling with my father = lose.
wasting my breath,
cos he's so FUCKING adamant that there's really no point.

are we back to being friends now?
cos I'll really like to be.

I thought of Primrose the entire day...
I know it won't happen
I know I won't want it to happen.
but her voice just rings clear...
zzz

Sigh, the clash of faiths,
is everybody going crazy?

NDPOC was a damn gg break feet failure.
Prata failed too.

Nights

{ gone at 00:12 }

there was something that MQ said,
that made me really really sad.
but its me i gotta worry 'bout,
not some 2-handed comment.

I'm not that forgiving sometimes.
there's only so much i can take.
and another comment just made me sick.

a day of feeling up and down.

hell, how can you be meeting your best friend in NPCC of 4 years
and remain unhappy?
its the in betweens, that made me stir.
somewhere there is a boy that remains to be heard.

I was myself with the crowd.
i really should stop enforcing myself upon another crowd.

you are right Choo.
living at Toa Payoh can be a hazard sometimes.

You are who you are
because of the environment you lived in.
I think i may aim to be a psychologist one day.
learning what makes people tick, may eventually make me tick as well.

Primrose, why so down?
the scent that wafts from you
stirs feelings that i keep hidden.
I'm not in love, just very attracted to...
Sigh,
stupid bee me.

and i would do anything for anyone who loves me
simply out of obligation i would love you back.
and simply because i love you,
i would love you even more.

{ gone at 00:43 }

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