July 31, 2008
so...what am i going to say today?
something as usual?
or something more?
nothing much, i guess...just that today ran terribly...
like clockwork gone wrong...
didnt sleep till 3 am today...then woke up at 0645
loveeely...never been more energetic...
but that's cos u live on adrenaline...
1 hour into school i just died...
1 ear in, 1 ear out...like everyday as usual...at least for this week for that matter...
dunno why, right after OCIP....was tired beyond words...for this whole week...
handed in that dread EMo...left WR...which i hope to be determined enough to pull through
stream of tests gone...stream of homework, gone?
well, at least its going to end...Saturday be mugging day, let it be fruitful...
again, i'm rejected by friends i love...rammed to that corner once again...
why have we drifted so far? 10 years of friendship...sublimating...
well, its not just one...its many many more...
those who try to be close are thrown back to where they came...
those who are in the circle are trying to run away...
let this be my ranting ground, my haven to release stress...
a black hole of emptiness and silence...of peace and darkness,
of a void that everyone needs...or otherwise?
question...
do you find others when you ram into complications
or do you hide by yourself?
thats all for now, i guess...tmr another day of misery...
Spaces To Be Filled,
How Far Are You Willing
A Minute, An Hour, or A Day?
Perhaps Till The Very End?
July 30, 2008
gah...whats up...
today...not the best of days...mainly of whats to happen...
didnt go for bb trng today...see how far i can slack...
tonight...gonna mug fer EMo...gah..so dead, so dead...
days past and gone, still i long...
Career day...of course for JC2s..
so guess what...3hours PW, 2hrs GP...
2 most driest stuff...bet Hoi is gonna go nuts and hang me soon...
sigh, Deb,Deb...do please get your act in shape...
its for your own good...
and me too, i need to change many many...
oh wells, too tired today, cos i'm not feeling too good...
too much in this head of mine,
laugh it off, waste it off, i'm just going to die...
Bio test? haven't studied...
Just what is wrong with me, i don really noe...
maybe i need a shrink...
maybe i need a week off...
maybe i just need to hang myself...
i'm going blind soon, thanks to my lifestyle...someone get me away from my electronics..
God forbid, if i do go blind 1 day...it'll be the day i fking die...
please don let me go suicidal...
emo not equals to suicidal...thats a path i don wanna take
death, life, hate and love...
whyis everyone talking about it, yet show nothing for it?
who's ur gf, who's ur bf...do we really need someone else at our age?
we cant provide for ourselves, let alone someone else...
to while away time, thats good...
as a distraction, then be gone, lover...
call me sour, call me loser, call me whatever...
guess what, i'm past caring...
Life's A Bed Of Roses,
With Thorns And Nothing Else
Beauty In The Red?
Just A Sign To Say:
KEEP AWAY
July 29, 2008
what am i to do?
not a good student...
not a good friend...
not good in anything i do, but being an idiot..which is what i excel at...
who needs a clown, a nasty and sardonic clown at that...
oh wells, just a part of being me...
as fer today,
what happened?
nothing, thats what...
just a stream of endless tutorials and lectures...
well, 'cept the part for our phototaking...
unfortunately...the star of our class, HTC Kat had to excuse herself...
sigh...why are girls more sickly, as in why do you gals fall ill so often?
not my position to judge, just a curious question
irritance and such...which reminds me...
some nutcase blogger saved my life...
or my PW rather..stupid BBC had to delete the article i needed...
so i was lost and..dead? but then,
this blogger had copied the entire article...wa, LIFESAVER SIA!
sigh, another dread training tomorrow...
another smelly stinky PE lesson...
another tiresome Basketball trng...
sigh...Career Day tomorrow, whatever that may be...
dunno, dun care...life still stinks to the core...
no argument about it...
and this is where it ends, ciao
Sarcasm Round Every Bend,
Stoic Faces Everywhere
Singing The Same Tunes,
Same Old, Same Old
July 28, 2008
so...
apparently,
i havent got the energy to even bother about my posting results
so, havent bothered to think about it, even came to grasps with it
which is VERY strange to me, seeing my current state of affairs
oh wells, maybe cos i've always have expected that i wouldn't be posted back...
so whats going to happen now?
on to St.Gab's on Friday i suppose...
till my results are out...for appeal...
and btw KY, i'm no longer that strong or fit anymore...
became worse...almost like shit...
can't run no more, cant do chin-ups no more, cant do SBJ no more
so ya, i'm sayin hi to the new muscle man...YANG!
so, as fer this new wonderful day, disaster...
whole morning, no sleep, cos stuck outside class...
Maths sleep, Econs sleep, PW sleep...sleep sleep sleep
then got break, eat, but no sleep
back to class fer chinese...
Wa, so wonderful...SLEEP!
Chem SPA...how u sleep?
Maths..wa FA get 12/12...so never sleep....
and if you can sleep during PE....i call you good...
btw, got a new name...called Lucifer Hong...haha,
so i worked on this new persona...and boy, it isn't easy...nor too difficult...
so was Lucy fer 1/2 a day...then faltered out...
bah, went fer me National Day rehearsal...parade, on National Day...CJC
gah...hilarious, stupid...
skipped tuition, doing EMo...now...boring...and sad...and boring...
said stuff matter-of-factly-today,
to drain out the emo shite...
seeing what tmr will bring...i don really care no more
Careless, Without A Care In The World
Happy-Go-Lucky, Seeing What Disaster Will Occur Tomorrow
Pessimist, Waiting To See How Much Worse Things Can Get
LaDiDaDiDa
July 27, 2008
gah
i'm back home, and i feel worse than ever
went overseas, and escaped the dread life that i lead
still, its not that bad, and i loved the retreat
Truth be told, it wasn't much of a CIP...
though we did do some serious stuff, mostly, it was fun and games
hmmm, or maybe not...
well, what's for sure is that we did our job, and did it well...
and i enjoyed every moment of it...i mean, releasing baby turtles have to be a joy, aint it?
something special u dont do everyday...
then a nice journey home, mainly, the trip was more like some class bonding session
still, i don't now if i will
ever be that close to them? with all their eccentricities?
bah...dunno, don care...still, they are a good class...good fun too...
and.......
to have enjoyed a beautiful holiday
only to return to a newfound hell
there's a place called Newfoundland...
should have been Newfoundhell...
have just been told, that i will not be posted to Maris Stella...and really...
i dunno what to do now...of course i would appeal...of course i would not go to anywhere else but Maris Stella...but what am i to do...have never believed in appeals, NEVER...
think they are for the weak, for those who...well, now i'm one of them...
i've always taken what life as thrown at me and taken it, and endured thru it
never excelled in me obstacles, took 1 step at a time...
damn it, damn it....i really want to shout smth out now, but...gah, don care...
oh wells,
life's like that...if you don like it, u can just go and die...
really
just die...
go on, that window's wide and so inviting...
go on, that lift to that 20th floor would aid you in your plight
go on, that knife's so lovely and welcoming...it would only hurt for that moment...
go on, Panadol is off the shelves...it's just a short sleep for eternity...
go on...
Mellow Like A Cello,
Low And Slow...
July 24, 2008
sigh,
No feel for anything today...
Sorry MQ, i PS you today
Thx to my lack of skill at wearing a stupid ethnic costume...
sad, sad...and, wa, so many attractive and hot ladies in CJC...only when in their costumes...lol
(eyebrows raised), not interested...(but not in guys either la, OMG)
forget, i'm past explaining, not interested in either sex, nor lesser creatures...just interested, in,
Me...thats all...Me...haha, emo shite, class got a new verbal sparring partner...
all the dirty sex phrases all shoot at each other...haha, surreal and unreal...still, brightens my day somewhat
gah, today another boring day, so damn pissi-fying...
miss some person....miss till a heartache, then it went away...
now and again, i find that its not worth it anymore...
no more, i dun wanna be let down anymore...
no more, no more, no more...
sighs, PW cum OCIP trip tmr...also the stupid test on Monopolist and PC...
no info on either, so not going to bother studying...dead to me, dead to the world
didnt go tuition today, thanks to a dinner...
Farewell dinner for my relatives, who are homebound to Canada tmr...
once in a while they drop by, so now they said their goodbyes...
cousin is a pretty girl, the two younger are cute and "a big boy" respectively
nth more, nth less, life's just a big mess
emo streak is nice and settled...
i guess the mire's a nice and comfortable bed...
thick and suffocating, just the way i like it...
Dead To The World,
Silence And Eerieness
Alone And Engulfed
By The Hate That Is Me
July 23, 2008
sigh, another day has come and gone away,
dont take too long to say
I Love You to, the ones you love,
cos time, has a habit, of slipping away...
This Beautiful Morning, was Beautiful, cos it rained heavily...
nth more, nth less...and that's all it needs to keep me happy...
classes were as boring as usual, ECONS i'm so dead for the test...omg, so dead, so dead...
but, overall, it was the training today that bored me to death...so..sian, but no choice, with noobs like me, slows everyone down...
short post, cos of a lack of time...better plan what needs to be said, for tmr's presentation....
ooooo, another long long day ahead...what next?
Mystified,
Petrified,
Blessed
July 22, 2008
Hokkien Literature...thanks so much, Yang!
Hmmm, instigation ah...then i have to apologise? i dunno...
today, miserable day, cos i so expected something to be given to me, but oh wells, tmr?
garish, lovely lovely, i dunno, mostly everything wen right fer me...from the smallest to the most important stuff...
At least Mary's talkiong to me again....gah, how sia, going to miss the tent-pitching...dead? or not?
Pw, so much pending, Dead? or not?
Why are people so interested in me? as in, why would anyone care so much fer me?
i feel....so...indifferent...still, thx la, thank you very much...but, 2 WEE ONES are so going to get it this Thursday...so dead...Mmmmm, fingers on kabobs, how does that sound, Leonie and XinHui?
haha...baby girl so hungry now...thinking of the yummy fingers...
Homework, so much pending, dead, or not?
gah,bah hah...stings and hurts, poverty and such...haha
Weirdo Gabriel,
Emo Gabriella
Nutter Mr.Hong,
Swirling Ah-Gong...
July 21, 2008
Gah...going to be Garish le...
wah, thanks to yesterday's Magic Show...
woke up so bleagh....
Today? hmmm...silent and slow, nice morning, awoken to a lovely downpour...hehe
so, set down to more homework...more and more...so many more...had to down the damn coffee
slow pace of school, just the way i like it...
no sleep...maybe due to the coffee...bah, getting addicted to it...bleagh...kopi-O-Kosong!
but...so many many lessons...emo...till six'o clock...and still, tonight, no need sleep, still got seeays and much much more to cover...omg, still need to go see doctor checkup, still need to...ah, damn it...
short as it can get,and that mary still not talking to me...eh, MARY!!! don dao me!
haha...at least, not too much stuff to emo about anymore...hope it lasts...
misery still suits me though...lalala
Around The Bush,
Circumambulating...
hope i got that right...
July 20, 2008
hahahaha...
Mary, why no talk to me?
quite contrary, How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
And pretty maids all in a row!
haha, i found the rhyme le...see, it does exsist...bah, i win!
oh wells, toady early morn, thought i won le, then mary had to burst that bubble
grrr, domokuns are after you!
went to church, and stoned...
well, at least, i did attend worship, and bit by bit, i hope i will get back
someday...
visited grandma in TTSH...bah, swollen face, thanks to an additional crash...gah,
bloated like bleagh...
also, deaf on the left ear, which i didnt know...so bad, and so incoheret...poor dear,
so blur she, and that poor shoulder and hip...gah, i dunno what to do, i dunno what to do...
what's more, my two monkey cousins...no compassion for anyone other thatn themselves...
behaved, due to an ice-cream reward? sigh, the new generation of Singaporeans...
then, i guess, packed off to Esplanade,
to watch the MagicBox...fun iguess, many many new suprises...
nice tricks, and much fanfare...yet, the theme still a little childish fer me...
over stress on "Family" values...gah!
oh wells, saw a long-time-no-see cousin...
woah, pretty past words, that young tot has matured!
omg, sayin such words...lol...
so now packed off to bed, fer a new school week...BAH!
Suprised, Pleasantly
Demise, Somewhere Along The Lines
Go With The Flow...
"Black Holes And Relevations"
July 19, 2008
gah...
Cherrrrryyyy...why u never talk to me today...
all you said was a goodnight...
baby girl very very sad leh...
ok, just reached home,(2342) as i locked myself outta the house
keys in home, Gabriel+2 not-so-wee-ones trapped out...
Mother at Wedding, Father on the way...
so off to supper we did, prata fiesta!
as fer the whole day's events, nth much,
PTM at dawn...or past dawn...
many encouragements, the same-old same-old...
"he's a smart guy, just not disciplined enough"
"plays too much computer..." etc, etc...
then stone at Grandma's house, without Grandma there...
Fell down in the morning...now very very worried...
cos there's an open fracture in her shoulder,
and another 1 in her hip...which fractured b4...
sigh...shoulder also cut smth, bleeding free...
poor poor dear...Grandmama, please don go...
i'll miss you so...and me mother will not take it well...
cos Ah-Gong died a year earlier...bah,
skip this, skip this...
Jap class...need to improve me self more...oh wells, looking forward to tmr...
Or am I? bah,gah,hah...
wa, not talking to someone today,
does not make my day...
Pondering On What's To Come,
Thinking What To Do Next...
Acting On Impulse,
Moving by Instinct
July 18, 2008
Morning started fine...
had to polish boots in the wee morn...lucky got yati to help me...
and so began a series or unfortunate tutorials...
omg,
Econs was so bad that i was better off sleeping...
Still...time off to study on my own i guess...just a matter of effort..
sigh...so tired of it all...
stings and hurts, miserable is my day
gone to Marist...then JooSeng for our Service Day...
by and by, pretty fun but boring la...just look on as they do their work...
CIs have power of influence and respect...better not abuse it...
maintain the respect level...
sigh, current NCOs not pretty good...hope as time goes by, more improvements...
Dinner round the TOs...Mr.Chew gave us a treat...
then off to home...
home, home...
Time Passes Fast With Things to Do
Slow Rock Ballads, Fast Waltzing Beats
Round And Round We Go...
sigh
July 17, 2008
Today...
lets make it matter of factly...
No feel for either end of the damn emotion scale
so neither "emo" nor happy...seems like an awakening
still...angry angry...haha...not emo le...just damn angry...at how I have turned out...
now...feel jooolly...jolly good....maybe cos tmr maybe going back to NP...
its a life i can lead to my fullest...
gone to school, played the fool
groggy from sleep, headed to the bus
bus on bus off, dropped dead on the canteen couch
Little bit of Bio, little bit of coffee
MAJULAH SINGAPURA!
round and round our little school, LT1 to LT2
canteen once again,Pokemon with MQ...
then listen to classicals, Chinese classicals
3 marks, 3 marks, throw it out that window!
new windows for my eyes, turned the world dizzy
stone stone stone at my humble abode
crashed satellites and traffic lights, boarded that elusive 153¬.¬
defended the valuable front seats from the hungry wolves
then made the same journey home...
"Now I'm sitting' in this empty house, just reminiscin' "
na, just typing on the com....hmmm
SEXY BABY SISTER SAYS GABRIEL/ABNORMAL
not i wan...some frens of mine wanted it...haha
rhyming mood over, just another boring dead to the world day
Round and Round
Round and Round
July 16, 2008
and so ends another wonderful day...NOT!
gah, learning too much from my duckie...and sigh...forget it...
didnt go to class in the morning...
hate that place...too much movement needed as well...
so stayed in canteen...and did homework...alone again...and much much happier
coffee in the morning...kept me awake past dead nights and boring tutorials
as day progressed...more hate and anger...more feelings of boredom and lethargy...
didnt sleep in a single lecture...cos i was just...tired i guess...tired of resisting the system...go with the flow...easier to die that way...flushed along with everyone else...
I'm losing my fitness, to reasons unknown...weaker and weaker...slopier and sloppier
Basketball was a drag...need to improve, i guess...but to where? I'm such a noob...sigh...
A' level LC tmr...10 simple questions...hope they get me somwhere...still, against God...still, unhappy where i am...sigh...how fortunate to hate what i have...others have nothing to hate...cos they got nothing...
Nothing more, nothing less...lets just get it done and over with...
Tortured Heart
Dismembered Limbs
Souless Memories
July 15, 2008
Enough about Life...Enough about Love...
Who needs those...not those who have it, definitely...
the poor and oppressed...they need it so much...but no damn person gives that to them
the hungry and the children...especially in Africa...but lets not care about that God-Forsaken place...who notices it?
Death is what they need...a good hard Plague, to bring all of them back to their Maker....wouldn't it be easier? Less burden on the 'Good People' the developed countries...no need to pour funds in to the financial black hole...can care more fer their own lands...
God's Heart? Damn it la...how much he loves us? i see so many damn truths to see if he truly did...even the 'least of these' are suffering...children, damn it...compassion for them? Child prostitution? Who protects their innocence? Famine? disaster after disaster i don mind...more people off this over-laden planet anyway...what's a few more?
Morbidity to this stage...one day, i'll get a devastating disease as punishment...one that'll force me to send myself to hell...Parkinsons, Cirrhosis? What more degenerative diseases are there?
argh, damn...so late on homework, so late on EoM...trying to get myself sick, to get 1 more day of work done...too much stuff, too little time...ate so much during recess today...just so, frustrated...
2 Bak Chor Mee...1 Rendang and egg and rice...some toast...then a nice cup of ribena....like nth leh....but finally felt full in a long time...arrrggghhh...to hell we go, doodadoodaday!
Irrational And Agitated
Scorn And Dismay
July 14, 2008
Totally depressing...i really feel sick to the core
not in the best of moods, not in the best of luck...
still hyper agressive over my lost watch...i realised how much that timepiece was worth to me...now just hitting myself for that stupidity...
Lessons? sigh...unfairness to my teacher...chinese...just sleep in front of him...sigh...his damn nice...yet...oh forget it...just crap shit la...mother shit...just so much frustration...today not emo...just God-Damn F-up..and this is as vulgar as it gets...i'm almost gone from the christian fraternity...i feel so cold and excluded...fast? ah, crap it...others enjoy...why must i suffer...damn damn damn....see, hell-spawn in the making...i'm just falling deeper and deeper into that damned abyss...
(Go Gabriel, dig deeper, dig deeper...see how far u can go...)
no fun side today...maybe the new CJC dance...fiasco sia..so boring...same with the morning...i was like supposed to, like, go and stone in the LTs? just realisd...LT aircon not turned in the morning...so i guess, its back to the teacher's table and permeation...
and, WOAH, intergration is so damn FUN!!!! haha...so many damn formulas...dead,dead,dead,dead....differentiation too! maths...the best subject in the world!
EoM, so due, and not doing anything at all...what am i to do? die, perhaps? sigh...not emo, just pissed today...cool...or not...oh well, least i feel better now...
Like The Dirt On The Ground
To Be Stepped On And Ignored
Flushed Down The Drains
Around And Around We Go...
July 13, 2008
ladidadida...happy? of course i am...when was i ever not?
dunno la, today feel all cheery and such...just so strange...maybe cos i stayed at home instead of going church...maybe cos i spent time with family, instead of out there alone...alone and without friends...haha, just happy la...sun has broken through the clouds, tomorrow, grey clouds again...
MONDAY BLUES>>>>>>>
and guys, i'm like a tree...haha, always here...stoning, growing...but mostly stoning...watching others...then waiting to be eaten by termites, struck down by lightning or wind, then die...lol...so fun, so much excitement...woah, a lifetime's legacy u noe! haha...so...weird....happiness amidst emoness...turns out so weird....
popped by the spec shop today...cos i need to replace the damn frame...got 1 so tight fit...like a pair of undies...yucks...and made a pair of contacts as well...just for BasketBall...zzz...and my eyes are kuku...so deep le..but still can see...enough...so...do i need specs or not...haha, yes i do, to see the pretty girls out there! lol...not so lecherous la...but a certain goat will start making strange comments...so yea...lol...hi YANG!
yea...came across this question...try it out..
3 men needed to share a hotel room that cost $30
Thus they shared the fee equally
But the manager realised it was $25 only
and gave the extra $5 to a bell boy to refund the men
This bell boy kept $2, and then distributed $1 to each man
HOWEVER...
9x3=27
27+2=29
where that $1 go?
Puzzled...and Cheery
July 12, 2008
hoho, today is not the prettiest of days...
woke up nice and early...for whatever strange reasons...disgusting, i say...so early for no obscene reason...so, just stoned...
breakfast, then, grandma house...mainly stoning, then awaited for time to pass...along came my 2 cousins...then we played a round of mahjong...then away they scooted...
had one of moments again...so i went up the hill, and started pruning...haha, what a prude...but yea, trim away, cut and snip...the pomelo plant sure has many aphids and dead leaves...rotten to the core, even had some termites...omg...but yea, still strong and green...yet silent and resilient...more or less, like me, like a tree, just always waiting, waiting, waiting...
went fer music lesson...and i really don noe what to do...should i just quit, or just carry on fer that last few mths? i dunno anymore...so sad, so sad...so dilemma..again...if i carry on, i'll be doing fer some one eles, and not fer meself...
skipped church, cos i didnt feel like it...despite being a special evangelistic event...sigh...just too tired..too emburdened...(dunno if that's a proper word...) snacked and snackedand snacked on the pleasures of the flesh...
Jap class was the most memorable today...mainly cos i just liked it...haha...back to home and back to bed...night has befallen and really just don care...
Friends in Need
Yet I Was Not There
July 11, 2008
I...got nothing to say...
hate simmers in my life...brimming full of it right now...
u think i'm faking all this? u really think so?
then Go To Hell, i'll tell you...the most un-Christian thing i can ever say to anyone,
i'm not doing this for fun, and this is the only damn way i can release the shit left in me...unless u want it in your face, then i don mind...
today, nothing much...just another wasted day in school...no more anger spikes, no more emo streaks, just so dead to the monotone...damn, difficult at this time to not put any vulgarities in here...damn it...slept in econs lecture, slept in econs tutorial, what more do i need to sleep in...PE perhaps? well, at least, can derive some enjoyment from the physical activity...gives me something, NOT to think about...just mental and physical torture...step after step, inch after inch, i really hate but need this kind of endurance...sigh...3x340m...then slope sprint 6 times, 12 GST, 24 at the PUB, then 48 sit-ups...stupid ass like me, thot 24 PUB was push-ups, so, yea, did extra..but who cares...i didn't...just did...the damn body's a machine anyway, the more i burn it, the faster it will fail...and failing soon it is...
went to CCK..then HTA...stings and hurts, had lunch with duckie...since this is mainly public, i cant say anything...just enjoyed my time, like i do with my friends...meal time, i try not to make it a sordid affair...haha, 1st laughs i had in a long time...that i truly felt happy...next up, my other sister i suppose...maybe huiling? no time, both of us...and i think she's getting impatient...sigh
joined by shaz and jiayi...khimyang...then off to HTA, met with the gang, and off we went...kena chased out of the range, so outside we waited, and chatted for long...dinner came, graced with the presense of our dear Baton Awardee...more gossips and stuff, but overall, just hanging out together...and...2 love birds sitting beside me, doing all the hanky-panky...
went home, and guess, fate is decisive...i went home alone, while my dinner companions left in pairs...and many thoughts just raced through my mind...that maybe, maybe, i'm fated to be left alone...and somehow, i love being alone...just me, and my thoughts, me, and my tiresome complaints, all to myself...me, me, me...how much more selfish can i get...still, solitude with music in my ears...its a heaven in itself...so self absorbed, yet i don look to the oppressed...
so caught up with being with the cool gang, yet neglecting those who wanna be with me...i dunno if that could ever be possible, still, i have overlooked many in my life...and still continue to do so...
now, after the anger, comes the simmer....the cooling down...again, i'm struck with the relevation, of how much work really will need to be covered next year...and again, i wonder if i made the right choice...regret is too late, just live with it...
An Arrow Through my Heart
A Trap I Swore Again Never To Touch
Sprung By Careless Hands
And An Assuming Mind
July 10, 2008
sigh, another moody day has begun...stings and bites...missed my dear duckie...lol
no scandal, just that i got no one this few days...just me and my duckie, and my sister too...
thanks to my emo-ness, i found a place of peace, which was in school! better than my home, found the LT the perfect place in the morning...peace and serenity...darkness and silence...one step, u find yourself in complete solitude...and all you need to do, is go in, and sleep...cold relaxation...wah, heaven...imagine, heaven in hell...haha, the ultimate paradox...
still, it didnt really resolve my problems...still sadness in my heart...still, i'm here, living every moment...school...was damn tedious today...till 5, and break wasn't till 12...for CJC, thats the typical "later" break...omg, bio was so dry, i slept and dozed, though the last and most impt part i was awake...haha, but really need to internalise everything...so forgetful...and my duties extended...from bio rep, to sai-kang warrior! so fun...lol...and so many many to do, i really going blur...yet, i feel...more enlightened this few days...in terms of learning...but really, i cant bother anymore...sigh...then a wonderful lecture of a double chinese period....OMG!!!! so damn waste of time, i tell ya..sigh...but better that than lessons...sure die even worse...
now back, and rotting at home...due to the whole day being devoted to my stomach discomfort, i didnt go tuition...and sigh, having failed me organ exam so badly, i don think i got time left fer it anymore...but such a nice teacher, really a waste sia...sigh...A's leh...no joking matter...
again, i try to add a little tidbit...but lost fer words for a moment...
what are thoughts, truly...what are they?
chemical signals throughout ur nerve connectors? or something that science truly cannot explain? why do we think so? for what strange reasons? thinking and thinking...still, we end up no where...haha...and yae, received me letter le, now gonna return it...
Ever turning,
the Clock of Life never stops,
One by one, we'll all drop...
July 9, 2008
today stinks to the core....i really got nothing to say...
due to my lovely insight, i donated my beautiful watch to some asshole who didnt deserve it...meaning that i lost it, and some ass picked it up...dunno if can be found, just hope all goes well...it has like 5 yrs of meaning to me...my diving trips and O'Levels...sigh...what a waste...its unfair man....pissed me off into a damn effing mood...now VERY EMO...in class too...i'm sitting in 1 corner now in class now...and i don give...
basketball..basketball...smashed my face and specs...costly again...costly again....stinks...and my skills stink as well...what more needs to be said...
gotta do smth about my PW...both group and personal...not been doing stuff that has been really required...sigh...will we screw this up? i do not noe...sigh...still want that A...
emotions breaking down...it'll end someday... indeed it will...the wheels of motion have been set in place, whats left is to follow up...follow up indeed....what will happen? i dunno le...just to do what has been planned...
July 8, 2008
woke up late this morning, by definition that would be like 0630...
stayed up way too late talking to duckie...pissed me father off...but oh wells, whats done is done, and dear duckie didn't really want to talk to me...haha...stings and bites, duckie's now me sister! haha...oh so i think...stings and bites...
school, smool...i hate that institution of learning, cos we don learn anything...well, at least the sciences we do, but the maths and econs... to me, feels like no meaning in my intended field of slogging...so yea, what am i learning dy/dx for? someone tell me? haha...past caring le, just go thru the motion...thats what maths is all abt, anyway...
jargon and crap, i'm kinda jolly today, cos i just did me chinese A' Oral today...lovely lovely exam i tell you...but i think i'm over confident....however, it was simple, and within standards...still, the opposite, i failed me H1 paper...not that i care, but, hey, why did you fail, Gabriel? ure heck care attitude will get u into trouble 1 day....
fasting not so easy, whats more, i've truly commited to it...may God watch over me, and help me in what is right....stings and bites...tmr got CCA...how to live on fruits alone?!?!
still awaiting my letter, still dunno what to do...i'm lost without you....cease the lamenting, and the self destruction...my mind is just a mess...at least, i've found a general direction...to pass promos like sky high...and i think i'm pretty much concentrated on it...arrrgh...just realised i broke fast so many times....holy crap, God, i need You!
everytime i see my class, just a brief survey, i find divisions, i find a group of 24 split into many, many cells....why? My home tutor says that we're his best class, and that JC is where we make the most bonds...but how is that so? when i can ever see my class together, doing smth together...none i guess...sigh, stings and bites, stings and bites, its happening all over again...i've kinda ostracised myself from them...they call me emo, i see no point in being with them...sigh, its all for the better i guess...haha, i give, i give
Slash and Burn
Qns; The person who tagged you is? Leonie Kho..aka, Abnormal 1XinHui...
Qns; What is your relationship with him/her/them? weirdest friends...but i'm not complaining
Qns; Your 5 impressions of him/her/them? 5 huh? errr...abnormal, just like mecrazy, fun, nuts,
and lovely?
Qns; The most memorable thing he/she has done for you? na...not too close yet...so i guess that they tried to cheer me up? but failed? haha
Qns; If he/she becomes your lover, you will ... ? errrr...errr....no? i'm not geting married...NO
Qns; If he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improves on? ya...ask both their guys...
Qns; If he/she becomes your enemy, you will .. i don think we'll be enemies...cos then it'll be awkward for our lady in the middle...
Qns; If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be? hmmmm...friends? i cant see it in anyway...
Qns; The most desire thing you want to do for him/her/them now is? say miaow!
Qns; Your overall impression on him/her? both are fun loving people...what u wan me to say? Leonie and Xinhui...u 2 are soooo gonna get it from me...
Qns; How do you think people around you will feel about you? huh? who gives? i dont really care...am an emo kid...what's more
Qns; The character you love of yourself are ... daredevil....i don care a hoot about life, so i'm into everything crazy...as long as there's money in it...
Qns; On the contrary, the character you hate dislike yourself are ...? laziness...gluttony
Qns; The most ideal person you want to be is? not going to reaveal, not going to say...i take the right to remain silentbesides, i'm not getting married?!
Qns; For people who care & like you, say something about them. please cease to care about me? na...thx for being there, i suppose...
Qns; Pass this quiz to 10 people i don have 10 friends...
1.Cherry Mary!
2.KENG YANG!
3.JUN FENG!
4.Khong Sheng!
5.Samuel Low, if he does read this...
6.JunHao..if he does so
7.SiYun
8.HuiLing!
9.Katrina? though she wouldn't bother
10.Guo HAo!
Qns; Who is number six having relationship with ? omg...scandalous...cant say upon pain of death...haha...nothing nothing...move along move along
Qns; Is 9 a male or female? female.duh!
Qns; If 7&10 are together, will it be a good thing? uh.i dont think that will ever happen.
Qns; How about 5&8 ? nah.both attached...hey, this thing is rigged i tell u...
Qns; What's number 2 studying about? BCMe
Qns; When was the last time you chatted with number 3? hmmm...forgot....lol
Qns; Is number 4 single? no idea...don think so
Qns; Talk something casually about number 1
a lovely duck with low self-esteem...i dunno what to do about it...
July 7, 2008
I think i'm a strange guy...do you think so?
eccentric even, i sure have a lot of oddities...but, thats besides the point...
hmmm, today is Youth Day...don really know what happened...didn't really feel really youthful today...felt like a burdened old man, both physcially and mentally...mentally, for reasons that i've been talking/brooding about...physcially, in that i've been suffering from a lot of back problems...really problematic back troubles...can never sit straight, or for long perids...will ache like nuts...
as for today, finally removed the sutures/stitches...which do u use?
oh, well, it did hurt...more bites...now left the scabs, really hideous...though not as bad as when it was 1st stitched up...
then went home, in expectation for the MSHS 4F meeting...then noe what? cancelled!!! wtf...left me so pissed...wanted to meet up with the chums...so all have to go PS...this is shit, i tell you...they are the remnants of happier times...now its symbolic...i can never go back to the old times, never be myself anymore...what is this, i dunno anymore, thinking too much? i don think so...oh wells...
beautiful girl, u mean so much to me...u think u are ugly, i say you're beautiful...its all in your heart...let it shine dearie, and forget what others may say...i'm like any other guy, who would still look at figure and face, but i can see the inner self too, and i see an angel before me...so pick up your confidence, and strut ur stuff...
Serene and Mellow
July 6, 2008
sigh...just back from a temporal heaven...
this blog template is really hard to navigate...dunno whether to switch to custom designs...but oh wells, its for me to brood over...
just came back from ATC, as mentioned, and really regret coming home...sigh, came back to a shouting volley with my mother...dunno if can say its my fault or...sigh, don really care anymore...tired, tired...so i came back, then knocked out for a few hours...really slept well...missed my baby pillow!
and i hate assholes who say my chinese is good...screw that guy upside down...4 characters and u make a fuss...lame asses...guess i feel really irritated now i guess...
For the ATC...quite alright actually...though every single of them(Sec2s) so SLOW! and so cheeky...really unexpected...and even more so when they said that i was a nice guy...hmmm...cool! though on the last day i couldn't really say that i was a nice guy now...shouted at them like nuts...maybe a lack of rest and a tightrope temper i guess...hmmm, sounds and looks weird...oh well...the campfire was one of the best i've ever seen...a lack of colour, was made up with lotsa lame jokes, and a super good ass-dancer..seriously...u can never expect that man! for his size....no offense Shafiq!
ATC,ATC...i miss NPCC...really want to be posted back to Maris Stella...but, what are the chances? hope they are high enough...
no philosophies, no stupid other crap...just sick of it and really really hope it ends soon...fickle man, fickle shit...hate it...arrgh! haha...love my new boyfriend! haha...joking...i SAID I WAS JOKING! zzzz....thank you or the wonderful time that u gave me, Area 5, with our guests from 12 as well...enjoyed my time with you, and hope to see you soon....
Dread and Misery,
Destruction and Hate
July 4, 2008
today, last day of the week!!! haha, super happy!
woke up this early morning, to the brillant splash of thunder and lightning...rain has fallen!
joy and serenity, day started out well, rain rain, how i love the morning air, cooling breezes...lifts me to another plane of exsistence, of me and me alone...
off to ATC soon, tmr...gonna tekan tekan lo...muahaha....i'm a sadist, don mind me...ya, but really dunno what ima gonna do there...cos like no one inform me anything..zzz...i just saw something, and i don wanna talk about it...(now, as of 2218 hrs)...really really perplexed, and well, down into the depths i go again..."Wake Me Up When My Life Ends"...情是何物? really depressed...sigh...know i shouldn't, yet i ever continue...why, do you tease me so God, why?
Man proposes,
Heaven disposes...
sigh, have been doing smth strange...know those noise canceller headphones from Sony Walkman phones? i've been sticking those things into me ear..without listening to music...hmmm, not strange to you, but ya, i know something going wrong...ostracising myself from the world, from outside noises and distractions...soon, will jump to ear plugs...then all will be at peace...sigh...
Fasting has not been going well for me...call it a commitment, call it anything, i've fallen short of your Glory, sigh, what am i to do? nothing anymore..now i know the implication of what Amos said today...that if its to be, it will be given to you on that platter...if not, there's no point, no point at all...arrrgh...its turning into anger, hatred, dissension, discontentment, fury, torment, and angst...haha, so happy, didnt need to turn to a dictionary to churn those words...but whats the damn use? sigh...thank you all for the encouragements...like YanRu,Goat,Sis,Abnormal 1 and XinHui...haha, life still has to go on, that i noe, but spend less time on me now...its for the better...
I think its confirmed...that i have two, maybe more personalities...of Good and Bad, God-fearing and All-defiant...i can shift between moods...do the work of Christ, yet turn to be someone completely different, shunning expletives, yet a loose cannon the next...
i've had many periods of mature clarity, yet, i find myself no different from a 10 year old.
i can tell myself what needs to be done, yet nothing ever gets completed...not from a lack of disclipline, something much, much more...
I beg of my readers, be patient with me a little longer...i will move on...how long that will take, i am uncertain...
Chains of Self-Destruction,
Bound to the Menhirs of Desperation
Drowning in the Lake of Misery
July 3, 2008
sianess...today was gotta be the driest day of the week...
so damn labourous to go through the lessons and lectures...sigh, we are really too fortunate, to sleep in lectures and more...
my econs teacher, is not exactly the best, she's strangely boring, ya...simple concepts, and i'm dying...u cant imagine how she says everything so matter of factly...not only that, the current lecturer for my favourite subject is gonna be my downfall...he's so damn boring! he's lecture, was covered by my tutor in just 1/2 hours...and i understood that 1/2 hours, unlike that 1 hour of doom...sigh, i really did try to stay awake...just too dead i guess...this is bad, real bad..not good for my intent to do H3...got a new teacher for maths...hmmm, he's pretty interesting...
hmmm, i really shouldn't be too over indulgent in my rantings...too self centred, when others are suffering, sigh, too much luxury le, people need to noe what suffering is...really...i need to take control of my life...a friend told me this:
u can react to a situation in 2 ways:
to let the situation take control of you
or to take control of the situation...
i should not have started being emo, should not have regreted going JC, should have made the most of it...should not have mired about increasing difficulty in syllabus, but overcame the challenge...haha, now still not too late...i guess...lol...
Maths sure U, btw...midyrs are meant to kill us...though, through my maths teacher methods, i think i just lack of practise...the way he solve the questions...lol...
today's post is kinda weird, cos i'm kinda distracted...lol...so here's the end...
Shrouded in darkness
July 2, 2008
new day...
kind of strange you know, that your day kind of starts only when u go down for morning assembly...when u sing the anthem,and all, that u noe that dread lessons and lectures are gonna bore you...then u go through the motion, reach home, then live ur home life...lol...
oh wells, emo or not, i'm still alive, still gonna die 1 day, just a matter of how soon...
also, i realised my blog, me posts have been kinda selfish, kinda self-indulgent, is it wrong? or am i right to do so? who wanna read about me? my life? who cares...just an insignificant variable of life...i mean, how have i made a difference in anyone's life? i have bullied and destroyed...people are better off not knowing me...and dont say anythin abt this...unless u really have a solid example...Vannesa cannot reply to this particular comment...Huiling either...Keng Yang too...just one of the many faces in the crowd...thats who i am...the one minute of fame i'll have would be when my picture appears in the obituary...morbid, morbid...
sorry friends, thats was un-needed, just a random thought...ya...
haha, so my day started after Majulah Singapura ended...school stank...except for my new Bio teacher! woots...he's comparable to the old one, maybe even better...and yea, fasting not working...anyone praying for me? haha...
Today, i rule that , my PE teacher is kinda getting on my nerves...sama sama for Basketball training ...sigh...why did i ever join it in the 1st place? oh yea, cos i was following...ya...made me bandage come off, made me puke, and sigh...maybe i'm just weak...and PE was the same....excercise, running with me stitches...(its 5 by the way, not 10 or so like i thot...oh well), doing 25 pull-ups...OMG, and i still havent developed any muscles...what's up man...
then go do PW...sigh, Rachel Anne Goh...when are u ever going to take part in our discussions...as lousy as they may be, at least show some face ma...so, we did cool/lame stuff for our discussions...hope this comes through at the end of the year...A...i wanna a A!A!A!
but still...today ah, talk about poverty in GP lecture...hmmm...maybe tmr a philosophy on it...lol...like i'm some important guy...lol...ok, so i'll end here tonight...morbidity gone, i forgot what i wanted to talk about...hmmm....
At the Stairwell of Crossroads
Up into Heaven? or the long descent to Hell?
Twisted and ever the Blurgab
July 1, 2008
sigh, Bravo, many many misses to you...ooolala
sigh, stinky stinky, my wound is itching...guess i forgot to take the medicine prescribed...antibiotics...hope no infection sets in...but then, if it kills me, i'll be happy...if not, i dun wan..too messy...and expensive...sigh...stinky stinky...
(btw, if u find like i act cute, its me...too natural le)
today, officially 1st day of school...it sucked...but chinese lecture, so wasted some time there...then my new econs teacher...i dunno what to say...think bio not too bad...but appearances are misleading...still...also a new chem teacher...quite strange, nerdy, timid...but i'm sure he's the really short string kind...lol...
then, emo the whole day, screw my classmates man, some joker left the key in the lock...Kat scolded me....sad...haha,,,.oh wells, damn it...overall, bio definitely gonna fail...cos my lecturer is kinda lousy...i fear, fear, fear...sigh...lessons were a drag...just going thru the motions...
then, came home early...then slept for 2 hours!!! omg, tonight no need sleep le...don noe what incensed me to sleep...so dead...dead...then went to dine at grandma's...hmmm...she gettin more and more frail...sigh...when will it end? the blow of my grandfather's passing may have been too much...sigh...
now, for today's philosophy...lol...the purpose of procreation...by animals...
why do they still do it? when there's no point left in living...
i mean, they produce, so that they become fodder...ever wondered?
whats the point of living, so that one may die?
we face the same...living, making money, enslaved to making money...
then die...miserable exsistence...
some say taht living and making ur landmark, so that when u die, ppl will remember u...
for what, i ask...so many ppl live in the shadows...who looks out for them...arrrgh, screw this...
Angered by Poverty
ever be that close to them? with all their eccentricities?