The day my world came to a stand still
was the day i lost you.
Where art thou, my Baby Girl?
forgot, she be awaiting execution on the 6th of Nov.
Hurts it does, but i can't help but wait...
wait till the axe were to fall

Past the blame
now the reconciliation

I'm Dead! and Disenchanted by MCR...
woots and hooray!
Crazy be, this Gabriel

the choking fog blotted out all sight
the child could only tremble
what had incensed him to have stepped out this Friday night?
Blessings be, if he were to see the light of tomorrow


I swear,
Mornings with Thivie and Mel
make the best a day could get

{ gone at 18:30 }

Everyone has their crosses to bear
it just so happens...

what ya saying totally true
but what i know, also the same.

I see looks of earnest intent
i see looks of joy
but most of all i see looks of.....

so fuck you all, and fuck me too
I suddenly feel so temperamental
but it ain't because of you

I'm weird, in general
People are weird, in general.
one day I'll really tell all
but not for now,

and no one had to know.
it just so happens...

but in some ways, it is finally over
i can rest easy now.
and i'm glad to have met you.

{ gone at 17:36 }

I have found peace,
I have found happiness

and I love it.

what remains of you now
are but remains.

I can't hate you
but i won't love you.

and I don't want to love anymore

A Sunday spent at home
just sitting, guitar-ing
thinking, enjoying.

I want to smile, but all i get is but a show.
it hurts.

{ gone at 22:14 }

Why am i so centered around Hotel California recently?
immortalised, the Eagles be...

Welcome to the Hotel California, welcome to Hell, welcome to my life.
Creatures of impulse, child of spite.
it ain't working, i just know it...

Whole day uneventful, just lots of morning basketball, making me feel all rotten.
dinner, with my squadmates, monkey business

supper, with the NEL gang,
guitar affair.

what matters now, is that i push through,
like an ice-breaker.
and i think my right hip is broken.
fuck

if you can't get someone out of your head
maybe they are meant to be there

{ gone at 23:46 }

I look at you and understand
your pathetic existence.

Lunch with the guys...
real good deal, talking and stuff
maybes we really could work out, as a class.

Tubbs and Jess...
Y YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND!!!
i wanna watch Confessions too...:P

oh wells, matter done and resolved.
I just happen to be the victim over and over again

and screw the damn straight Es i got for CTs
It ain't even funny.

{ gone at 20:00 }

Everything's coming back...
my cough, my shoulder injury, but not you

Haha, I'm past the pathetic stage,
now i'm in the blaming stage...so fuck you world...
sigh, when you indulge, you suffer...

Everyone has doubts, thus we mistrust, we judge.
Often, misunderstandings clear themselves,
but should doubt manifest itself into action,
it leads to hate.
I don't want to hate,
but if the picture i paint of you gets any blacker,
I'll find my place in hell

Truth be told, i see the devil in everyone's eyes
the scheming actions, the direct attacks...
getting my results back seem to worsen my already insane state.

I just want...everyone's company...
Could that possibly be too much to ask for?

tasting human blood,
really really made me hungry.

Paul Blart kinda sucked

{ gone at 20:04 }

The motion of time, ever so slow
makes me ever, so alone
Do i really utter crap?
and i really wonder who really left who...

walking home in the rain i so love
hoping it can wash the pain i so loathe
Thx again, for you Hi-Bye Billies...
wait, i meant Hi-Bye fuckers.

The ones who don't know me, call me Gabriel
The ones who are semi-close call me Gab, Gaboo
And the ones who are one with me, simply call me "Eh",
and even, need not call at all

but too often, i wonder if i even know myself at all
let alone anyone else.

Again i bring up the point:
the one who seeks death, has no connections to the living

I'm really transparent.

(4)
(3)+1
[(2)+1]+1

that's what it feels like to me

{ gone at 15:35 }

Apparently, I'm turned off by passionate kissing on screen...
lol...maybe I'm still conservative despite my twisted mind...
how much more convoluted am i going to make myself?
I feel like a play thing right now,
and to think that the only way after hitting rock bottom was up...
what happened to the euphoria i felt days ago? perhaps I've not hit bottom yet.

And the roles have been switched but this time round
there won't be anyone to ask "what's wrong"

what's more, this false gaiety thing is so not me
but if in pretending i may save some,
then by all means, I'll keep up this facade.

I hide the pain, i hide the scars
but what pain upon what scars,
shall be mine to keep forever

but right now, someone seems more scarred than me

Let the party begin

{ gone at 20:46 }

My God,
what a day this has turned out to be!

1st day of school, marks 49 more school days to June Hols!
that excludes extra hols in between too! :P
okay, how silly i must make this sound.

failed Bio essay, no surprise though...
just wished that Mr. Yeow's cutting words would last long enough for me...

The teachers we have are exceptional; the students too
just that we need to concentrate our energies better.
so blog stalkers, lets buck up together ya?

and seriously, why have we been chosen to present PW project?

Well, i guess i'ma show off sometimes, and get into trouble too:P
but everyone has their oddity, ain't not?

I know you are trying
but wait for me a while longer.
there is still not a day where i don't reproach myself
there is still not a day where i cannot forget the hurt that i felt
when no one told me anything.
and there is still not a day where i can forget the fact that i hurt someone else

so wait for me,
please?

Cheers,
not so.
sigh

{ gone at 17:31 }

Hmmm
and a Hmmm
and a Hmmm

no rain today
oh wells, precipitation doesn't happen as and when you demand it...

I think i'm enjoying this,
very very much
but what am i enjoying...no clue.
like seriously
just in a happy mood here and there XD

Finished watching Heroic Age.
Loved it, very much
haha, Drea,
while ya addicted to dramas, i'm into anime...
oh wells, everyone has to have their addiction:P

School starts tmr
new term, new work load
new start

i hope for that much, at least.

{ gone at 22:20 }

I'm just carrying this forlorn feeling in my heart
Not emo, just feeling this wave of sadness
pouring out, pouring out...
must be the songs I've been listening to
curse the beautiful Jap animes I've been watching...haha

had an ATC meet today
wasted some time la,
went to play billiards,
then lunch at Yoshi with Father, Yi Cong and Wenjie

never thought guys could talk
we ended up doing that for like 3 hours
haha, its strange now,
that i could laugh at my friend's predicament
when i faced a similar situation not long ago :P
520 paper stars...that number mean anything to you?

back home to more self-indulgence,
and this time, i could really ponder
what it meant to be me

life is short, and I've used up 1/3 of it already
some things just go by, without us knowing, seeing, or appreciating
time to look at stuff in a different way.

Hell, every cloud has its silver lining
Its about time I went in search for mine.

{ gone at 23:19 }

Sleep Sleep Sleep
gah, the things you do when ya bored
and lazy to ask people out
at least ima going for supper, haha

Haizz
some songs really relate to you
be it in any language
so sad, so sad

just a glum chum before a com
holidays are almost over peeps
get ready for the dismal results
and chiong chiong chiong!

Cheers!

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
-Your Call, Secondhand Seranade

not the most romantic,
but hey, it'll do

{ gone at 19:59 }

Lets see,
Batam in a nutshell
no photos, so Jessie Jess and Baby Mum and Gerry
get them out out out on FB now.
like the instant you read this.
NOW!:P

so, nutshell:

Arrival,
stayed at a 5-Star hotel...a HOTEL for God's sake...
didn't need the luxury, so shouldn't have provided.
and we were there for OCIP, not leisure camp.

had to do much for the orphanage, mainly mixing cement.
and more cement
the 2 days there were spent mixing cement.
ya, and i totally love cement now
have i mentioned that i love cement?
XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

even did shopping...
oh yea, Choo, collect your shirt from me tmr, if we meeting...

but mainly, the great escapades happened on the last day.
like cards,
like appraisals
like subtle mocking
like being locked out of room
like watching an interesting show

like friends i never knew i had.

yup, things will definitely be brighter from now on
me and Baby Girl guarantees it

{ gone at 21:54 }

Flowers sway in the wind as if dancing
So that the rain moistens the earth
Even though this world is alive, coming closer together
Why do people hurt each other?
Why do partings come about?

Even if you go far away, still
You're always right in the middle of my heart
While they remain buried away by that kind smile
Even if I feel pain
In fragments of you that I held, because we'll still connect
I trust that we can meet again
I'm waiting for your love

I love you, I trust you
I want you to share your loneliness with me
I love you, I trust you
Even in light, even in darkness, because we're together
We're able to trust each other
Please don't leave anymore

Who saw the edge of the world?
Who announces the end of the journey?
Even if it's a long night and you can't see the answer now
I want you to advance on the road that you trusted
Because light is waiting ahead of there

The song that you taught me
Is right in the middle of my heart even now
The overflowing drops of feelings
That are resonating together with that kind voice
Warmly trail down my cheeks
I'll become strong; I trust that we're connected
I'm always by your side

I love you, I trust you
These tears keep flowing because of you
I love you, I trust you
You taught me what love was
No matter how you're lost on the road
I'm by your side

Waiting for your love
Always by your side
Youre the one that I love
Youre the one that I trust
Youre the only one

I love you, I trust you
I want you to share your loneliness with me
I love you, I trust you
Even in light, even in darkness
I love you, I trust you
Even in sorrow, even in joy
I love you, I trust you
I want to protect all of you

No matter how you're lost on the road
I'm by your side; we're able to trust each other
Please don't leave anymore

-Trust You
Yuna Ito

{ gone at 21:47 }

anger anger
hehee hehee
went to church, like finally...really need to have more zeal in doing such things, ya?

well, at least today, it rained, like all Sunday Morning's should...
makes me a little cheery:)

let say, maybe i'm destined to be alone

i ain't happy, i'm feeling glad
i got sunshine, in a bag
i'm useless, but not for long
the future is comin' on
- Clint Eastwood, Gorillaz

going off soon, ladies and gents.
Will be back by thursday...

what can i say,
F
R
I
E
N
D
S

{ gone at 17:27 }

I need a distraction, terribly
before i leave everyone behind
and everyone leaves me behind
CHill CHill CHill
Treat the figurative as literal,
and the literal as figurative, get a laugh, a kick out of misfortune

had dinner with KY...
just caught on some old times
just great that 2 people have the same sorta dilemma

look at how tough they are, and look how weak i am
falling without putting up a fight?
how could this be?
Pathetic...
come on, get up, get up kid, the world's not over yet

Not wanting to die
as opposed to wanting to live

which are you?

and anyone noes where to find dance classes?
i wanna take one up b4 i'm too old:P
preferably break dancing, haha

Cheers!

{ gone at 22:45 }

How is it like to love someone?
Haha, tis been so long, since last year with Huiling

i sorta miss the feel of caring for someone...
maybe i still can, actually.
there's still 友達　around.

Ha, holidays are here again!

{ gone at 10:46 }

Maths was...well...could be better la..

skipped training today, see how i'll fair in 2 weeks time
but went out with Tubby, GH, MQ and Jessie Jess:P

watched Marley and Me...which set me thinking again...
but overall, *spoiler alert*

it was a touching movie about a guy,
his family
and his dog...
if only i could remember the quote said at the end of the movie...
most likely i'll forget it forever now...
but it was really great,
touched me to tear, really enjoyed it, though it was kinda anti-climax to CTs...
lol

then dinner at my Dad's place,
hope ya enjoyed it guys!

and could it be that
the reason i always feel so lonely and left out,
is because
i want to find death so much
while others are desperately hanging on to life
that i fail to click with the general public?

in a sense, i seek death, so i'm dead
how could the dead be among the living? time to ponder, then...

I love you guys...
today has made me realise that
life need not be spent alone
that life isn't about drinking and smoking
or wasting it away...
its in the company of those close to you
those who care, those who are in for the joyride
those who love you for who you are.

Thanks

Labels: Friday 13th

{ gone at 22:51 }

I should stop indulging myself
"wake up kid, its the real world

THE ONE WHERE YOUR NOT REAL IN IT."

figures, I'm back to being old me again...fuck

and hell, i just found last year's PW surveys:P
RAWL...epic fail sia...

sitting down to lunch, i couldn't help but notice the keys in my hand
indeed, the keys are in my hand.

maybe for me to be happy, i gotta sort somethings out

1. my hangup with XY.
nothing even happened, nothing should have happened. now all i want is 2 things
2 F words actually...and i really don't know how to get them back
that's the thing that has been perplexing me. because its for her to give, not me

2. my studies, should really be much better than what it is now...
but its ingrained into me already...i swear, i REALLY DUNNO HOW TO STUDY...

3. my issues with God.
this should be easy...or not...

4. some other commitments here and there...zzz
NPCC, mental issues...family and friends,
but let's just let them sort themselves out

and the root of all these problems: me, rather, my laziness...
i shun difficulty, for the "mental strain" that it gives me
be it gaming, guitar, organ or, best of all: studies.
me thinks that i need help in that.

life is like a ball of yarn
as it rolls and unwinds, knots and kinks will arise.
those be your trials...so straighten them out, pun intended.
and i don't want to die yet, not till i'm ready


cos this resolution will be made:
by the 6th of November this year
Baby Girl will have to cease to exist, as society dictates.

time for vectors to fill my head.
and I'M GETTING FAT...XD

Cheers:)

{ gone at 12:40 }

I'm a baby wading around
find me a home, please?

por favor, señora

it figures that i had put a gun to my head
and it happens that i would fire it

how now brown cow, that i couldn't die?
i should finish the job.

{ gone at 19:16 }

i won't make him choose
besides, he has more in common with you

I don't want to be forgotten
I don't want to be hated
I don't want to be alone
And I don't want school to be remembered as a place of sorrow and sorrys
I just want to be appreciated.

Sometimes, when ya in guilt,
everything seems to be befitting
the downs, the downs, and
the downs
anything bad that happens seems to feel right,
anything good seems to feel like a facade
Aren't I just loving the torture i put myself through

Take a knife, put it over this heart and push it through,
know I'm real
Feel the median septum, feel the ventricles,
FEEL
Can't you see: I'm real, I'm real, I'm real!!
Not a ghost in a shell
not a spectre of age
and not of ectoplasmic material.

How i wish for the converse though, cos that's how i feel right now

Chemistry sucked.

{ gone at 12:58 }

Why do we fall in love?

Bio stank, cos i nearly had a migraine...
God Bless me for tmr...

Cheers!

{ gone at 22:17 }

At this rate,
i can count all of you off by hand

i need to find myself
i need to know how to live
i need to be...me

{ gone at 21:27 }

Beauty at its most exquisite
is the love of a being for another.
That's the reason i'm getting real interested in photography...
to capture the rapturous moments and hidden stills

While God is the Painter, The world is His canvas.
The vibrant hue amidst monochrome skies
if only our hearts were as pretty as that...
the deep dark pits, consuming mire, the ever corrupted human soul
I hate it...you and me....everybody...just hate it

The only problem with my life, was that i was put in charge of it
Steps have been taken; its time to start the painful delete.
But you'll always be close, too close to bear...
It must have been love,
but its over now..
it must have been good,
but i lost it somehow...

The future's so uncertain right now for me...
both the immediate and far
will i get to see your wedding? will i be anyone's best man?
will i carve out a career? how will i spend my days?
sigh, i'm bored...
Happy CTs
i could say i love you
but never could i hate you.
what we once were...i don't want to forget
what happened this year, i never want to remember
what harm, has come
what's done is done

{ gone at 19:59 }

RAWL!

Are we out of sync?
Take charge of your own life, its the only responsible thing to do

When you choose to dwell in sadness, its the pain that will follow you
if you choose to dwell in joy, only happiness will light your way.

at times, it feels like I'm a drowning man under the ice floes,
desperate to break through but unable to surface...
entrapped by ice on all sides, the seconds slip away, like the days that pass...
i cannot let this go, simply because I'm me...
not for love or anything, but simply the good times shared...the only good times I've ever had

but...
its not fair to others, when i make them care for me..
when they should have been better off caring for others...
I'm not a paraplegic,
I have a wholesome family
I've some friends...
that should suffice.

why did i ever start to become so...disgruntled?
yea, that's right...start of last year...
why?

Don't know...

Its a rude slap to the face, that one who encouraged me yesterday,
should face such discouragement. That's great, isn't it...


and yea, since i can't say it to you face to face,
then ya: congrats to you XY, on your distinction.

Off to camp now...
cheers!
now haven't i heard that some where before?

{ gone at 16:32 }

When a man loses his God,
he loses himself.

Every time you look at me, my heart sinks
for any delight that was on your face dissipates instantly
I can only watch from a distance,
glimpse at your smiles, listen to your laughter...
each day, just feeling the twinges of jealousy, reverberate throughout me
but then again, i have no claim to friendship nor kinship,
so i have no right, right?

and so i run away,
run, run away,
run to hide my hurt, run to hide my pain...
and everyday, it seems to me
that there's no point in me returning to your life
seeing ya all smiles without me...
I'll probably put that frown back in

noble? Na, just the COWARD'S way out.

I'm so shallow and narrow minded, both in feelings and thoughts
my scope and view, entirely dismissible...
how to write an essay, when my points are superficial
how to give advice, when I'll just probably kill you

i should just go hide and fuck myself.

{ gone at 21:28 }

I'll be your feet,
if you'll take my heart

cross country, ownage country
stupid asthma, still, mostly my fault i got into it

Macritchie once again, same route, same results
Top 60++ lost out on a tag by so much.

and yes, i've woken up, thank you very much
6 days will be sufficient, i shall make it so.

a mason loves his stone, he can carve it for ages
i can't do it forever.
i still haven't let you go

{ gone at 20:31 }

The plea goes unheeded.
Would you rather leave me to my own devices?
I don't have the mental strength to handle the missiles thrown at me anymore
I'm wearing down, and tearing apart.

Everyone cares, don't they
just that they don't really like to show it
how's that for laughs.

I like the look Jess gave me today, like totally forced to agree with me.

Pity Luke, he's totally overlooked...

and I've been having so many restless nights
dreaming of worlds that are totally parallel to the one right now.
that's great, ain't it.
As if torment in reality wasn't bad enough,
i had to go remind myself in my dreams.

i screwed up SPA and at this rate my CTs as well.

HOW MUCH MORE STUPID COULD I GET?

a whole lot more it seems...
are you trying to tell me something?

{ gone at 20:40 }

Bio SPA
Chem homework
amidst a recurrent migraine.

The world works, because everyone has the
"i get to take advantage of you" mentality

and i'm collapsing under the weight of my insecurities...

This time, i in serious need of help...so, help?

I don't want to blow again
i don't want to hurt anyone
someone please, check on me.

am i the fool to still believe?

{ gone at 20:23 }

had a little migraine accident
occured last night, while cadets were being lectured
pain, i tell you


today, passed uneventful

no one can do a 1st time-long term job,
that has little prospects,
high risk, high investment cost
and multiply that by 3...

my Mother sure has a handful...
so, one day belated birthday wish to you, Mum
you could not have done any better,
and bless you, bless you, bless you
nothing can be done, except daily returns.

an ugly turn
a reproach,
like a mantra
everyday

Labels: Migraine

{ gone at 20:18 }

zoeychrix
designer
sandshelltealeaf

TAGBOARD!