i feel a little more than empty right now.
maybe subconsciously the only reason i went to church because i saw someone that made me...entranced by her very self...
and now that i've given up...the yearn for church...or God...never seemed less important than now...i feel...so cold.
so so cold.

{ gone at 22:24 }

I walked past a funeral today...
which made me think back to one HT lesson long ago,
where Hoi told us about how he had a friend who died.

so it got me thinking...how would I be remembered when i do pass on?
I pictured this:
hey, guys, did you hear? Gab died yesterday
some would say: WHAT? HOW?
others: hmmm, so the one who always sought death finally got his wish
or: no surprise, he was always drinking...did he die from that?

that was what occurred to me...
ain't that the impression that I've been giving people?
haha, what a legacy to have left behind, aye.

now, what would yours be?

{ gone at 19:15 }

its true.
too much of it will damage your brain eventually.
and now....I can already see the subtle effects
the way I look at people....
like poison. deadly destructive poison.

I'm staving off alcohol
smoke
and...
the last one is the hardest of all.

10km in 1 hour...
made me realise how poorly my health is
and how slowly my mind reacts to things...

slick moves
guys in drag
girls with tattoos
I just wanna pop n lock.

{ gone at 00:01 }

It really was just a bad week
yea, migraine today, so I'll just tag it here

bittersweet, curves that I'll never keep
the perfumed scent unlike any other
a flower, lonely in the desert
an angel, fallen to the ground
many are, the sands of time
blessed are, the ones that sleep at night
for when the last grain should fall
then so will the pretty pretty meteors
that would come to take us all

any fool would see
these are the thoughts that plague my waking dreams
from the girl I would never see
to the end of the world where I'll never live

its just the want, the absence, the childishness that still persists
the immaturity.
maybe its enough to lecture me once
but when you slip in out and out.
I'm must be insane, talking in the third person.

me thinks that maybe I signed on the contract a wee bit too quickly
but its done deal i guess.

And I don't want to be just another statistic
in others' lives.
no.
I wanna be more.
something larger than me.
yes.

Labels: Migraine

{ gone at 23:51 }

Its not that easy to quit smoking.
It's this bug at the back of your head telling you that you need a stick.
And i just may give in. Maybe I'll just cry and wait for the next day to kill me.
my 7 year crush has finally ended...or maybe it had already died long ago, just like my life a year ago.
lol, luke told me to see a psych and I could laugh and said i was fine...
but right now...
just a bad week k?
don't cause worry for others, you made things bad enough already.

GROW UP, YOU STUPID CHILD.

{ gone at 21:23 }

one of the best nights of my life.
the friends from ages ago
with liquor that was free

my soul actually felt free.
i could actually let go off evertything.
god is great
lin tong is great
life is great
artillery is great.
maybe i should do more in my drunken stupor.
love would hit me, or a one night stand
i mean, what does it matter really.

I've only felt most of the pain in my life
nth but empty happiness fills my other half

{ gone at 01:30 }

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