today, last day of the week!!! haha, super happy!
woke up this early morning, to the brillant splash of thunder and lightning...rain has fallen!
joy and serenity, day started out well, rain rain, how i love the morning air, cooling breezes...lifts me to another plane of exsistence, of me and me alone...
off to ATC soon, tmr...gonna tekan tekan lo...muahaha....i'm a sadist, don mind me...ya, but really dunno what ima gonna do there...cos like no one inform me anything..zzz...i just saw something, and i don wanna talk about it...(now, as of 2218 hrs)...really really perplexed, and well, down into the depths i go again..."Wake Me Up When My Life Ends"...情是何物? really depressed...sigh...know i shouldn't, yet i ever continue...why, do you tease me so God, why?
Man proposes,
Heaven disposes...
sigh, have been doing smth strange...know those noise canceller headphones from Sony Walkman phones? i've been sticking those things into me ear..without listening to music...hmmm, not strange to you, but ya, i know something going wrong...ostracising myself from the world, from outside noises and distractions...soon, will jump to ear plugs...then all will be at peace...sigh...
Fasting has not been going well for me...call it a commitment, call it anything, i've fallen short of your Glory, sigh, what am i to do? nothing anymore..now i know the implication of what Amos said today...that if its to be, it will be given to you on that platter...if not, there's no point, no point at all...arrrgh...its turning into anger, hatred, dissension, discontentment, fury, torment, and angst...haha, so happy, didnt need to turn to a dictionary to churn those words...but whats the damn use? sigh...thank you all for the encouragements...like YanRu,Goat,Sis,Abnormal 1 and XinHui...haha, life still has to go on, that i noe, but spend less time on me now...its for the better...
I think its confirmed...that i have two, maybe more personalities...of Good and Bad, God-fearing and All-defiant...i can shift between moods...do the work of Christ, yet turn to be someone completely different, shunning expletives, yet a loose cannon the next...
i've had many periods of mature clarity, yet, i find myself no different from a 10 year old.
i can tell myself what needs to be done, yet nothing ever gets completed...not from a lack of disclipline, something much, much more...
I beg of my readers, be patient with me a little longer...i will move on...how long that will take, i am uncertain...
Chains of Self-Destruction,
Bound to the Menhirs of Desperation
Drowning in the Lake of Misery
