blogging to me is a way of relieving stress
to relieve the stress that builds up in my head
due to incessant thinking
about regrets and the future
about actions and what must be in God's plan for my "greater good"
funny how that it was the passage done for GP yesterday
so while others undertook the passages with a degree of difficulty
i embraced it and enjoyed it
not expecting good marks though
just that it was a topic close to heart.
haha, Drea you think i'ma blog nut?
nut indeed
why do you continuously block my shreds of joy?
i didn't deserve this
rantings, as Vanessa would say.
you know why i hate certain types of people?
why do i hate muggers? its cos i'm jealous that they can sit down and work for their future in mind
why do i hate so many things? its cos i see myself in all of them
and i hate it. i hate watching others act like i know i do
i hate to whine to others, even though people might be willing to listen
because it debases myself. that i cannot even take care of my own mentality.
i can choose not to hate others, because i hate myself
i cannot for one moment love this body that God has granted to be healthy in most ways. i cannot for one moment love the mind that drives this biological machine.
but i can use my body to love others.
and that, is what i have gradually and eventually have come to lose.
i have no more direction
and it really feels like everything has been lost to me now.
i don't seek forgiveness that is not willingly granted
neither do i wish to repair anything.
but my heart tells me otherwise.