for no good reason my mother made home early today.
and for no good reason she went on and on about me not studying
about me playing on me PSP.
let's be truthful.
the only reason why I tolerate you, dear mother
is because you give me an allowance.
in short, I'm paid to let you voice your anger at a day's work on me.
I'm not an ingrate.
I never asked to be born.
you know why I'm a christian?
because the godforsaken alternative is Hell.
if there was a God, I would ask for only one thing:
that there were no afterlife for me.
be it in Heaven or Hell, I don't want to live.
I don't want to be my God's servant, adoring Him for the life He gave me.
I just want Him to let me die, in PERMANENCE.
no burning, no frolicking with the angels.
I want none of it.
You know how long an eternity is?
you don't.
there will be no end.
you just keep on living.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
I'M JUST A PILE OF AMINO ACIDS GIVEN LIFE.
and if just look closer at the pile of amino acids, I'm just molecules of
carbon, nitrogen and hydrogen.
why can't I just die, and die for good?
Why must there be a Creator,
and why must He love me?
why?
