I realise the fondness that I still have for you.

you've affected me,

a million ways in one.

your smile, your funkyness

if only the others didn't happen...

would I then have stood the chance to stand committed, next to you?

I feel like I'm caged within the cell of my own mind

unable to express myself

always taking on the world like it hates me.

like a hatter in a box

waiting on someone to sing my song.

Really, I don't understand

why does everything have to collapse all around me every time I find something to hold on?

but yea, like I told Sanjiv, if life were fun it wouldn't be life.

If it were duty before self

then when will it be enough?

I'm 20, I'm old.

I'm no longer "too young to worry"

I'm a 'sir.' I'm doing a real job, no longer some part time commitment.

I should be responsible, mature and take things with stride

but how do I tell me that,

when I can barely focus for 1min

jump from distraction to the next.

I struggle so much with myself everyday

its like a war only without the blood.

but there will always be tears.

the real fighting the imaginary.

and who ever wins, I always lose.

if there ever was a reason to hate me,

there needn't be.

cos I'm me.