Is it me? here in NCL, there in SG. Is it me?
well, it has to be, how else can the many scenarios all revolve
around me being...lonely.
the things that keep repeating themselves.
why, is there something really wrong with me?
why, must people keep running away?
I fled to the world of games, because no one would could hinder me
I don't want to be lonely here, and I thought the slate would be wiped clean
my thoughts are all over the place, and I cannot get the solace I need from anyone
and I end up being all self-destructive again.
I don't want to be like this. I don't. I really really really don't.
Am I unable to keep a proper, good, sound and safe relationship with these things called friends?
Do you know how painful it is to be slowly edged out of a group?
haha, emo.
but what else can I do? confront the people involved, and create an irreparrable rift?
I lost 15 years. Now I'm going to lose my 3 weeks. And neither distancing nor closing the distance
is going to help with matters.
I can't contact anyone, and neither is there a helping hand, nor are there people who can relate.
I'm hurting, but I'm not allowed to cry
then, what should i do?
go out, make more friends?
everything stems from my insecurity, this position I'm in.
2 weeks ago, everything was still fine, life was good, things were looking up
then a week passed and everything just shattered in a flash.
Is this supposed to make me stronger? Why must the bitter things keep happening?
why must I keep tasting the medicine of life?
there are so many questions. and no one to answer them. I don't want to be labelled as attention seeking,
but the dreary outlook of life I have just turns people away. You don't hold onto a belief for 5years.
you don't. you'd think it'll be too tiresome. I'm not.
WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST UNDERSTAND?
why, why must I keep giving, giving, giving of myself, and nothing comes back in return.
Just an oddity to my flatmates, just an oddity to my subordinates, just an oddity to my peers, colleagues, and worse of all, liabilities to my family and superiors.
Hell is just a jump away, and really, this time round, thinking things through just makes it even clearer that my life was never meant to be lived.
And I can't even cry anymore. Hiding in my daydreams and avoiding reality. Because the world in my mind is just that much more beautiful. 