June 30, 2008
hmmm...while people were in school,
CJC was on a break!! haha...poor sloggers...distractions, distractions...
ok, so stoned at home, wasted my life for a good part of the morning, which was most enjoyable...cos life sucks...
then on to lunch with me mother...have i mentioned that duck rice really sucks when u eat at my speed...omg, all that bones...broken teeth!!!
Beach Road, all over again...walked from City Hall to Golden Mile complex...quite the distance...haha...just to buy 4 white shorts...hmmm, questionable...
i don't know..just feeling so random... just came back from tuition...wonder why i still go over...wonder why i still have a lot of stuff...
haha, whatever, the case, i'm a lucky guy, surrounded by beautiful gals...everywhere...too bad i'm too much of a scumbag...so lucky, so lucky...
but, then again, thot i was past emo...now i'm more then ever in my dilemma...
the stings...the hurts...its all coming back to me now...sigh, arrow in my heart, bullet to my brain, poison in my blood, life never ends, all but an endless cycle...
Annihilation and Armageddon
June 29, 2008
Sunday morning, rain is pouring...(well, not exactly)
haha...i lost my 1st draft, so this is gona be the next...hmmm, so strange and funny...to me..
i can say, that i have to relinquish my right to be as emo as i've been, as others deserve the right more..like my very good farm friend...thx for telling me what has transpired...u have returned the affirmation i gave you, and i hope all works out, bro...will remember to pray for you!
today, goneth to church...and, didnt see someone i really wanted...but thats for the better, less distractions...my two cousins Ps me...go kelong fishing...sigh, wonder if they made any large catches...or maybe only catch anchovies! lol...
dinner was a PizzaHut affair...wondered why me mother brought me family down...lol, not that i'm complaining! but $70 is kinda steep....
life, is...still..not as rosy...my life still needs to be gotten in order...still...we must go on, like my buddy edwin said...haha...sigh,,,never do a different msn chat at the same time...i getting a headache, from all the flunctuations in emotions...haha...life, family, friendships, church, and stuff...school, study, choices, decisions...so many many!
yea, btw, thx adee and joanne...though i suppose that u have obligations to me, being my CG leaders, but hey, its nice to see someone still willing to talk to me in church...what has happened sia...dunno whether to be sad or what...
Confused, and Totally weird!
June 28, 2008
another day has passed, come and almost gone now...
so, went to the science centre today...for almost 8 hours...lol
5 hours devoted to a small DNA lab course...which was pretty much COOL!
the other 3...lets say i spent it in the company of 2 other equally numb-skulled people...
hmmm, we ran around the science centre...like little kids, lol...checking out the exhibits...omg, reallt like little kids, and hey, enjoyed myself, not been there for like so many years...lol...
not so emo today hor, sigh, its times like this with a whole new world of stuff to do, new things to see, that takes my mind of things...troublesome things...
then after, dinner at grandma's place..did some pruning! haha...removed a creeper that was climbing up the pomelo tree...miss me grandma so, cos so long haven see her...like 1 whole week...she also missed me, duh!
then on to Jap class...sigh, not going very well, i'm afraid...need to gambate! haha
Inqusitive and contented
needed to pen my thoughts before they disappear...
sigh..just needed someone to know, i have put myself into a situation that i shouldn't have
instead of studies, i chose my frens...
and those said frens have left me behind, finding their new buddies ever important
but..that was okay...
i tried to get into their circle, again and again...
yet despite my efforts...i've lost them all...so few that i can count them on my fingers
i joined a CCA that i may not enjoy, i did stupid things to say: "hey, i'm stil here, always"
still no one answered...
u may say thats unfair, i wasn't like that to you....
but in your very small way, you've have hurt and finally abandoned me...
i've put up with your teasing, in bids that our friendships will stay strong
so i'm fed up, and have given up...
HYPOCRITES, everyone single one of you....
Broken and scattered
June 27, 2008
sigh...this doesnt work...words cant express this sadness...i'm really not emo...really...or at least trying to be...emo is not in...i keep telling myself...but this heartache....its not natural...
i'm actually cryin right now...just cant find whats wrong...
tears pouring down my face, and i still don't know the reason...
the stings of parental love, obligation to my God, or the mounting pressure of the things to come?
Death is but a step away...and Satan willing welcomes the desidents of God...
I say i'll piss on the graves of the cowards who commit suicide...but is it cos i envy them for their freedom of choice?
Life is just a phase that God wants us to experience...but i really cant stand it anymore...
the corruption, the filth, the defilement of God's greatest creation, and by the very creation themselves...looking at us humans...i despise the very exsistence of life...i fear for my eternal soul...
Child abuse, pornography, the so called "bondage" acts around...all created by the human mind...torture, and many more, cruelty to our very own brothers in blood...u say "Freedom of Speech" and what comes out? a bloody stream of racist jokes and comments...can it get any worse? The perversity of the human mind...far exceeds my own imagination...
We Singaporeans have lived in the lap of luxury for far too long...luxury built upon the sweat and sacrifices...they suffered, so that we may enjoy... we neglect our neighbours, despite them being just beside us and opposite as well...
Love, Love, Love...we talk about it so much...the guys and gals say it too often to their partners...and neglect the very hands that feed us...i find christians, thus myself, a bunch of hypocrites...the very emblem, the core of our way of life...yet we live against this credo...maybe i've just seen the bad side, those that tarnish our name, and thus Good Lord's name...yet, isn't an organisation aren't as strong as its weakest link?
of course, the tears have stemmed...talking about this morbid topic (well not exactly morbid, more emo i guess)...who wouldn't suddenly get a sense of their own fragility, their own summation of life, an improptu reflection of our inner self...
i thank my readers for havin read this far...most would have drifted...there's more, but lets save it for another...
Love you, my very special someone...today's ur day, and though u may not noe it, i'll be there for you till the very end...the reason i'm not gettin married...is so (damn the tears again) that i can watch over you forever...
to only you, this non-commital soul will commit
with you, this life will continue, just as you have faced your daily tribulations
for you, this rock will continue to keep watch, to hold firm, ever within your reach
yet, you'll never realise this, never noe of me...i'll watch behind the scenes, concealed by the shadows, hidden by a false mask and covered by time...will this end? i dont know..but i've kept vigil for many years, and still i will, awaiting the day that i can call you...My love...
Lovelorn and Torn
damn and blast...
went to the polyclinic to do the follow up fer the MSP...going round in circles man, that place...
and they contradict here and there...so many inter-departmental angst against each other...
but hey, who am i to care? this is not my home...just passing through...
Went back to Marist today...standards not there as usual...failing and failing...what the previous batch did as NCOs was almost nothing...the new batch of newbies were like the cadets they were teaching...but cant hold it against them...thats what i'ma here for!
and wasn't emo when i was there...on the contrary...made me happier...now i need not question my commitment...just being there is sufficent...life sure has strange turns some place...
went to dine with the fellow boh-dohs...always eating at the same place, always, having all the suan-age..but companionship with them is priceless...wished i was more into friends in times past..sigh...stinking old me...
on for tmr, going to Science Centre...hope its fun...DNA experiments..i hope...and hope its not a waste of me precious Saturdays...Church and all...ya...
Lovelorn and Torn
haha...finally ended the Chem SPA...was so boring...omg, so relaxed too...left only Chinese A Oral, and Bio SPA...which is like gonna be so tedious...haha...so ends the early post...mood is up, dunno fer what reason..someone's special day?
June 26, 2008
day 2, another day of exsistence...birthdays ever present in June, i dunno what to get fer ppl, and still dont....mood swing the whole day, only 3 cheery moments in the bleak landscape of today...
After Chinese Paper ended,
Just stoning around with a buddy
And one friendly Msn chat...
strange what fufils me...tmr Chem SPA...truthfully, so dead and all, cos i haven't studied!
today, just stoned for the morning...then went to school...after a series of dreadful questions, the torture was over! haha...joke was that some dumbell left the handphone on...rang and rang non-stop throughout the exam...lol...
Then went over to Kovan, Heartland Mall, followed farthoughts over to a park...he read his Naruto, me just slept...then went fer tuition...if this keeps up i tell you, Maths is so goner..renewed respect for the fools that took H3 maths...cos they are damn clever fools...
i hate being emo, seriously, its kind of self-destructive...but really, just cant shake off the shadow of death around me...all i see is hatred, selfishness, doom and death...life just stinks...to the core!
Lovelorn and Torn
June 25, 2008
sigh, starts the day of a new blog, starts a life anew...
today gotta be one of the worse days ever, damn the H2 maths today...Difficulty rating=IMPOSSIBLE!!! heads up, along came the listening compre...haha, easy...i think....
Went fer a Op today...ya...removal of that stinking lump of crap on me thigh...turned to be a pile of clumped up fats...sebaceous cyst, they said...looked at it up close...even cut it up!! lol...made a huge hole in my thigh to remove it...10 or so stitches...now aching crap...haha...
on for tmr, H1 chinese paper...sigh...another failure...education sure stinks this days...wine and dine...
Lovelorn and Torn
