some are on the right track.
others like me, simply are just wasting what precious time is left.
at least i got a constructive plan...
sigh.

Its getting harder each day...
it could be a crush, it could be a phase
a phase then.
pointless and draining.

if only you were mine.
but perhaps, not at this time.
I love you, Primrose.

{ gone at 22:13 }

drinks, water
glass after glass,
chilled.

Five for Fighting.
sweet, calming.

i passed Bio,
my Chem standard went up.
and for once, I'm glad.
not satisfied, oh no.
but at least, now you know what you don't know.

and if you would let me,
I'll talk you through your worries,
and hold you through the night
not just out of love, but friendship and duty as well.

{ gone at 19:54 }

when its desolate and cold
where your green fields in life turn to grey,

riding this storm out when I've got more important matters to worry about
shouldn't be the case.
When you wake up, who does it for you?
does someone wake you up, or do you wake up on your own?
what if the time you have to wake is out of routine, do you arise, all on your own?

if my backslide and loneliness were a slumber,
then I'm grateful for the wake-up call.
blaming others seems to be my hobby,
once again, I'm guilty as charged.

perhaps its part of growing up
perhaps.

I'm not like this
I don't even know why I'm like this...
you know what is rigor mortis?
my claws have probably chelated onto something,
but all that's holding them there are probably just muscles cramping,
the soul dead.

Am I like that?

like attracts like,
and though I enjoy drinking,
I guess wallowing in fantasies and thinking that drinking helps,
was probably the greatest fallacy.

the reason why the GP compre went well, was probably due to the fact that it was a matter close to heart. My very own lack of faith, and the very question of existence. bugger me black.

{ gone at 19:38 }

reading Lovely Complex,
I'm kinda reminded of something...haha :)
memories.

At this rate,
i really could become a cold-hearted bitch.
I need to stop somewhere.

{ gone at 20:14 }

Simplicity is as simplicity is.
Sadness and happiness are just frameworks of the mind.

I cannot think of the present without the end in mind,
and the present is naught a gift.
life.
torture.

people are just too sinful, perpetrating harm upon one another
no matter how optimists think,
it goes the way of the pessimist.

gambles.
can't take them, cos I ken the way they work.
"Against you" and that's about it.

funny how the lessons of probability seem to work for you and against you.
50/50. how many times have you got the better end of the bargain?
Monty Hall once again.

but more often than not,
its the way people react that can be counted on.
and once i read you like a book,
you just ain't my worth knowing.

one by one the distractions disappear.
my worries and my stress
my games and my animation
my heart and my family.

the monkey sets out

{ gone at 17:35 }

for no good reason my mother made home early today.
and for no good reason she went on and on about me not studying
about me playing on me PSP.

let's be truthful.
the only reason why I tolerate you, dear mother
is because you give me an allowance.
in short, I'm paid to let you voice your anger at a day's work on me.

I'm not an ingrate.
I never asked to be born.

you know why I'm a christian?
because the godforsaken alternative is Hell.
if there was a God, I would ask for only one thing:
that there were no afterlife for me.

be it in Heaven or Hell, I don't want to live.
I don't want to be my God's servant, adoring Him for the life He gave me.
I just want Him to let me die, in PERMANENCE.
no burning, no frolicking with the angels.
I want none of it.

You know how long an eternity is?
you don't.
there will be no end.
you just keep on living.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
I'M JUST A PILE OF AMINO ACIDS GIVEN LIFE.
and if just look closer at the pile of amino acids, I'm just molecules of
carbon, nitrogen and hydrogen.
why can't I just die, and die for good?

Why must there be a Creator,
and why must He love me?
why?

{ gone at 21:08 }

somehow, today made me a really really happy man.
idle chatter, silly banter and the fact that i wasn't isolated for once.
funny how that seemed so superficial so long ago.

I wasn't meant to live in the shadows it seems

I'm always sleepy once it comes to work.
haha.

{ gone at 19:43 }

Poison.

apparently my intolerance for dust and dirt
is greater than my tendency for sloth.
ROFL.
cleaning the house with a rag and a bucket of water
tiring, i must say...and driven by the ability to laze at the end.

Code Geass.
slow to the bandwagon (as usual) but it rates 5 stars on my list.
with DGM and Fate/Stay Night...maybe Zero no Tsukaima too :P
haha...a shounen's obsession with romance, mecha and fantasy

ya know what?
fantasy ain't a bad thing.
it presents what reality will never present.
don't call it escapism, you bastards of realism.

let me be entombed with my imagination for all time.
till the day I find her, may my animated pictures give me love and peace

{ gone at 19:30 }

the stars are holding you tonight
and no matter where you'll be
they watch you in my place.

sigh.

just you to turn my heart
just you to spurn me
just you to make me smile, whether I'm up or down.
if only I hadn't been the foolish idiot i was

I live a life of regret.
when will I ever be able to forge ahead without worries?
sigh.

{ gone at 19:31 }

Slayers
demons are out to get me i swear.
sigh.

hate it when i become the character
hate it when i live the fantasy and the story
there ain't no such thing as a happy ending.

be beer or smoke
At least i can't smoke
cos i ain't enjoying it
but i can beer
and the beer really takes me there

if everyone were given a talent?
what is my talent?

{ gone at 23:10 }

Prelims are over.
Left with the mock exams.

The Ugly Truth.
How ugly indeed.

I just can't shake the feeling that everyone hates me
or wants me out of the way.

maybe they do.

{ gone at 23:49 }

The analconda got me.
1st, i thought Chem was the first paper
then, Chem turned out to be a wanker...
as if studying would have sufficed...

the past 2 weeks, without the dearest T26 have given me this:
it is not they, but I, who abandons people
but its not entirely my fault either
but there's no one else to blame, is there?

shadows, bleak and dreary.
overbearing, overwhelming.
I'm possessed
DEMONS, I SAY
DEMONS!!
They're under my bed,
they're in my head
EVERYWHERE!!!

I miss J1
alot.
and the little picture of the 3 of us together
peering over a little table.
why can't people be more naive and innocent?

Why?

{ gone at 18:23 }

Maths.
sigh.

and Bio tmr...
sigh.

oh wells, let's just get it done and over with.
I'm happy today.
Cos she was just so PRETTY :)
oh wells~

{ gone at 21:02 }

finally, the silly posting template finally got fixed...
well, the euphoria at finding the Maths Paper 1 of moderate difficulty
will be drowned by the impending doom of Paper 2...oh wells.

Chem Paper 3 was fun:)
though i had little time to do it properly...
lolz, I'll see how badly I'll fail...
over confidence lo...oh wells.

dreary, down in the dumps.
ain't too sad, nor emo
wish i were though
I'm just an empty tankard right now...

Kegs.
Lots of them
filled to the brim
with liquor!

{ gone at 23:16 }

been thinking lately
what has been making me such a tard i am
the dark creepy feel i always have around...
sigh

one kind of escapism i suppose.
its funny, in a dream i was granted a wish,
and without hesitation i asked for that
ha.ha.
goes to show what's most important huh.
and been reading alot of manga these days...
fantasy worlds where dragons exist
where super heroes gain super powers because they want to
how the main character is super talented in some way
or has ecchi things happening all the time:P
talk about a normal school boy's life...

point is, i just keep living in fantasies
girls are beautiful, guys are suave
and all wrongs are righted.
but it also brings a disillusionment about reality
believe me, often when i say I'm made of steel
its once or twice that i really believe in it.
warp sense...if i jumped down a building...i wouldn't die, right?

haha.
reality bites.
I'm not a hero, not saving the world
not protecting anyone.
just a schoolboy coming-of-age
mundane.
sigh

{ gone at 23:29 }

Haven't been studying
really cannot study

every single page is a fucking soporific
sleep sleep sleep is all i do
like a clown, like a fool.

{ gone at 22:17 }

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2nnKSqUHf4

Guo Hao, this is so for you
kinda reminds me of you too:)

{ gone at 20:21 }

<< It wasn't a picture. It was a framed square of cardboard
and across the top, in Molly's spidery writing, I read: "My
three favorite men"
Underneath, gummed to that cardboard, were these three pho-
tographs in a row. There was Sir Charles Armitage, John
Wayne...and me>>

"Every Living Thing" by James Herriot.

this little thing made me cry.
for the fact that Herriot, after his efforts became loved
even after he condemned himself.
imagine being cherished in the same way

Kindness goes a long way...though i would say it never happens to me...
haha...better later than now, in this sense...lol
Love James Herriot and his veterinary stories.
they invoke an eventful life.
they invoke LIFE, in dreary old me.
exploits, country life.
I know, I know, stories are as fantastic as your imagination.
maybe mine is a little too overactive.

:(

if only money was never the issue.

{ gone at 22:06 }

Lolcatz
makez me go Lol

{ gone at 22:45 }

The average office chair wheel
travels 13km in a year.
Hmmm

wanna take a spin with me baby?:P

{ gone at 09:13 }

I realise how fked up my previous post would have been.
sigh, but love is mostly one-sided, no?
the degrees of what one would feel for another could never totally be the same

I'm told to "honour my father and mother"
because they gave me a life
in that way, am I my own life,
or am I my parent's life?

and, if they were given the right to be honoured as being, in God's place
my earthly custodians, then what is the rightful feeling i should have for them?

I don't know if I love them.
I really don't.
But i don't want a litmus test to find out.
Is this notion really so weird, the fact that a child could be so calculative
my sinister take on this thought is scaring me.
I'm grateful, yes.
but if one is thankful for everything, he has little drive to find better.
but its wrong to go overboard.
so what is the line that i must toe?

Societal dictations once more.

{ gone at 22:27 }

I realise how fked up my previous post would have been.
sigh, but love is mostly one-sided, no?
the degrees of what one would feel for another could never totally be the same

I'm told to "honour my father and mother"
because they gave me a life
in that way, am I my own life,
or am I my parent's life?

and, if they were given the right to be honoured as being, in God's place
my earthly custodians, then what is the rightful feeling i should have for them?

I don't know if I love them.
I really don't.
But i don't want a litmus test to find out.
Is this notion really so weird, the fact that a child could be so calculative
my sinister take on this thought is scaring me.
I'm grateful, yes.
but if one is thankful for everything, he has little drive to find better.
but its wrong to go overboard.
so what is the line that i must toe?

Societal dictations once more.

{ gone at 22:27 }

The parents are incredible.

i only need them for the cash.
if they die, I'll probably feel nothing much, unfortunately.

Ungrateful?
perhaps.
but all things considered, i don't really care for the life they gave.
people are so fixated on: you should be grateful you are living,
you're lucky, you're healthy.

i propose this: if I'm so lucky, why am i suffering?
If I'm so lucky, why do others feel that luck for me/you?
and I feel the converse?
interesting. I didn't ask to live,
but maybe the soul i have no memories of did.
Fuck it then.
Fuck it.

{ gone at 23:22 }

you're the sugar not in my coffee
the sweetness you bring suffice to satiate my palate
to my Prim and Proper rose
i really miss you so...

skin of porcelain,
heart of gold,
yet your graceful gait carries the North Gale
your sweet smile warms those around
but darkness exudes from your chilling core.
a charm of a pixie
the looks of an angel
the voice of a siren
melodious, enchanting and oh, so spellbinding
bewitched, i fall to my death throes.

will this elusive illusion
ever bring me peace?

i saw this babe at the bus stop
with a "Charmed" tattoo on her left shoulder,
nigh a strand of hair out of place,
and a tube top just too tight for her size (that means its just right) :P
what's more: she had the face to match.
why are all the girls in CJC so cmi?

{ gone at 19:58 }

Fb did smth lame to me today.
go chk it out.
especially you Chan :P

should i be disgusted with the bio paper
or should i be happy?

GP was fine...i think.
Bio...sigh.

{ gone at 16:53 }

you stir an ocean with your breath
and ignite calderas with your grace
within the planet that is me

you create tremors with your smile,
avalanches with the slightest brush
and with the knowledge of this power
you wreaked havoc on Earth.

my Primrose, my garden
my only solace
in you there is nothing left,
that I loved, adored and blessed.

I'll like to think that you died with the flu.
such is the pain, i inflicted on myself.

{ gone at 22:16 }

before i begin studying for doomsday tmr,
i have to say this

waking up early: fine, no problem
but waking up to clean up half a billion ants dying from fumigation is not fking funny.
whats more, they dragged their cockroach cousins along.
all from the chute.

God only knows how much bacteria they carried.

ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!

{ gone at 10:01 }

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