must it always be this spiralling of good, bad, good, bad vibes all the time?
i swore...ok, not swore but really doing my best to stay off cigarettes and cut down on alcohol...which has been successful but to wat cost? sure, i felt good, felt clean but did i hav real fun last night? and when i was always in vice, my life at home felt so much better. now that i get to find all the good things in life again, my life at home becomes so unbearable.
its almost ridiculous. seriously. must there always be a low point somewhere. MUST THERE?
I'm going to Brunei today/sunday
and its not very pleasing...
If Singapore's jungles are bad enough,
can't help but think how much worse Brunei can be
but hey, its a one time/1st time kinda thing so it may not be that bad...
I mean, OCS sounded like shit and all but I'm still alive...
maybe, just maybe I'll enjoy it.
really had a damn shag day today...since i got home like at 4am?
the things a druken stupor can give you..or make you do...
now my body is so weak having been doused with so much alcohol throughout the damn night
club hop somemore...
it was more of a bloody sausage fest everywhere...
just can't stand the thought of not going overseas for leisure or relaxed pace..
bah! things like this make me wonder why the hell i sign on...
maybe I should have thought of all these EARLIER!
oh wells, half a year down, 4 1/2 more to go.
I'll live, I'll live.
I
am a fickle bastard indeed :(
Leaving for artillery in 2 weeks time,
and I'm actually beginning to get quite sick of the army and the system
what, we actually get extras for doing a volunteer system
a.k.a the armskote.
and not only that, the 3 damn extras have to be converted to confinement
and a defaulter's parade...wdf.
its not fucking fair that we wake up early, clear rust and sleep late
yet get punishments for not maintaining PAPERWORK.
damn the policy governing firearms in sg
and damn that asshole who took the SAR 21 out of camp so many years ago.
going to see a certain person soon.
rumors are spreading and another fella is jealous i think.
but what more can i ask from a friend.
its not like we're lovers or anything. its just an event.
I swear, I'm becoming more of a wolf than anything else.
its this overwhelming predator hunger...
fucking army staffed with too many guys
and i'm going nuts.
got an appointment that forces me to act differently
from a bubbly active loudmouth to a man with responsibility.
there's this torrent that is just building up
and gaps are forming.
cracking
under intense pressure
so many things
that I cannot tell anyone
maybe Tabitha
but I don't want to bore her with army stuff
the anger, the hurt it just burns
and just when I thought I could actually grow up
I'm just back into the pits again.
It's so fucking painful
