for a moment i paused to ask of God to give me all his attention to leave all the world and just be with me... and it was for a moment that i felt that i could live forever. like He answered my prayers like I was clean once more and i felt like i could not be a teen anymore...
I'm really glad that God chose me to be one of the saved. I know i should go about saving others as well. but somehow, i have never done it right like a spoilt brat sigh.
Maths... i really am hoping for the best.
Tubby! You should be checking on me, NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND!
me the caveman living in not so ancient times me SMASH! me like to study what God my Father has given me like Bio but Bio teachers don't like Bio students. Bio teachers kill Students with rape paper. Gabby Sad :(
no more A, sigh...
i ken why alcohol works not. it works to lower your inhibitions. they say that you don't remember stuff you did...somehow i think otherwise. and ya, it works by lowering inhibitions...you know that sense of invulnerability? what kinda inhibitions do i have? no fear of death, every act an exhilarating thrill.. BAH! do stupid things while you can. 18 is the benchmark of old. now live young
I kinda miss the 4 days when my mama and two bros were overseas. seriously. though I'll forever regret it if they were gone forever. what would you feel if your only sibling died? or if you have 2, how would you feel as well? aside from grief...will there be blame? or will the 2 remaining gel even closer?
got woken up by an over-ardent mother returned to bed after breakfast rather the floor... and slept till 7 so like whole day wasted. slept and slept through coffee and whatnot. woke up with a splitting headache after that.
you know, Christians are supposed to spend QT with God. i decided to spend QT with myself. so with a little music on the side, i just listened to myself. quite pleasing really.
Bio in 2 days time. at least i know what i don't know. like that's gonna help.
funny how we pin things on certain dates 18 sound special to anyone?
MJ died. was never a fan didn't like the stuff he made but some did. many generations in fact
a legend while alive he will be a legacy cast in stone now i guess. entombed with his works. remembered for the good stuff.
wonder how I'll be remembered when i reach the expiry date when this product of man returns to dust... but that's like an eternity away, so let's just let eternity worry itself. there are more immediate threats to the pearly gate ending might as well kill them 1st.
bio what? this was a fucking waste of time today... really really hope the rest of the day falls into place . get well soon.
stop hiding things from me clandestine underhanded vicious devious backstabbers.
brrr, today was an entire day spent studying maybe a little play... some stoning... you get an equation whereby Chemistry MCQ is a fail. no joke. I'm kinda pissed and afraid... but Chem's now more of a chore than anything else... either my fault, or tutor's fault... zzz blame me for being teacher reliant...
insinuation of facts tmr will be dreary my companion is going to be gg both of them. I'm really hoping that its not the case and the Saturday will be for a course that I have very little feel for
i wanna dive and i wanna jive TOO FUCKING BAD its not December and A's are past. too fucking bad that I'll still have to see faces i kinda getting sick off too bad. and too bad Transformer: RotF is getting fail reviews.
and i like today's article in Mind Your Body. i could be suffering from that yo.
退后,彩虹 kinda sucks that my com can't type chinese letters:(
great studying effort today... but the cooler thing i found today was handoyomia he's good at guitar.
good is a vastly gross understatement. vastly gross understatement is an understatement all "understatement"s mentioned above are understatements, including this one.
or maybe i'm just lousy:P
playing the guitar like i would a piano going to try that soon... tabs are meaningless
but all that on hold.
fuck the fools that don't know how to press "reply" seriously.
really i don't get the hype about extending holidays you got 4 weeks to study and you don't use it lets say you need one week to play that leaves you with 3 more. you don't study on the 3 and hope that the extra week will save your life. DReAM oN DiCk.
fail if given one more week, fail if not given one more week, might as well cut holiday by one week and fail faster... at least it'll be off your chest.
my friend told me to gloat at the peeps in my class having to take 4 H2. i told him that i envied them.
live on, live right,live up, live life.
funny how i dish out advice, and not heed a single word. shows my credibility huh
basketball with the few peeps that came around makes me happy with my decision to have joined CJC basketball really. if only i can clear my attendance right now :P if only
my head is spinning from all the last minute admin right now it kinda sucks that at the end of everything I'm the real leech.
not only that, like after one year's worth of shite you realise that you are neither here nor there. i feel wonderful right now... just great.
I cannot blame either party for the stuff that happened it just reflects on myself how badly I've screwed some things up time management!!! oh wells, better i learn here than get fired when out at work. assumptions are failure
now to face it or to deceive
I'm really really emo-faggotic right this instant I'll love your shoulder right now, woman.
and while doing this i just sat down and pondered on everything that has happened up till now the many facets I've set in play the many facades I've come to rip accumulation of errors change in people change in me.
sucks big time, i must say.
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/index.htm vote on the poll. go pl0x unfortunately, its been decided that schools are opening on schedule:P
love this song..I Remember You by YUI. with my limited knowledge of the language... sigh...but its beautiful...
I'm into the wrong things pretty much... loving the wrong things too. sigh.
today's sermon was on prayer for fathers to know the power of praying for their families. basically just anyone in general as well...
but i guessed i just stormed out of the sanctuary after it was done when you see a man and woman together twice thrice it kinda gets to you... and you'll kinda wish with every fibre in your body that you were him. 5 years have not been erased it seems.
and what's more prayer for the safety of others? more like I'm been prayed for to disappear.
oooo fishing with seraphina ah, strum of a heavenly sound...
working hard is pl0x. haxx0r too... and i is failing at much, son.
i recently explored tumblr. and it seems kinda cool that peeps get to post that kinda stuff lovely dovey... but everyone's doing the same? am i missing something here...or is everyone so equally brilliant at finding the same thing? statistically not possible, pl0x.
and wtf is pl0x
l33T is so weird, if you ask me... mugs much. Transformers...anyone?
I'm going to talk big don't say i asked for it... haven't had a migraine in ages and its more worrisome than relieving one thing's for sure, that the lack of it feels good...(duh!) but one of the few things that i could count on is its frequency you could know that you were going to get it its almost like my version of the monthly
but if even on that i cannot count on there's nothing that i can trust anymore not the human nature, definitely
well, I'm reliving the old times the old times i thought i had lost the old times i missed so much but its all coming back my old friends its like they took a hiatus and came back the age old teasing, the same lame defenseless verbal victim(me) but ITS SO GOOD. makes me think that the recent person lost was insignificant(if only that were true)
not drunk, but the after effects still last. sober, but i wish for the dream state
stories told like they came from a grimoire how's that for vocab.
solemn meeting and dinner a murtabak that dissolved into the pit a Dinosaur that didn't chill people I'll most likely not meet again an association of alumni that I'll leave but not of my choice
in name and not in status
I'll just cast a spell to make me feel better the parents are irritating. but it makes me so guilty, the way i treat them. somebody scold me?
i wonder now who is the real demon? gotta fight the world gotta fight everyone but perhaps i just need to fight myself.
nice song Cong, but... well, i had to fight it, now its your turn don't take too long like me though.
i still think that life is overrated but i AM overrated. the people who will probably make it nice and comfy in the future probably be the hardworking ones XY, Chan, Cammie, Gerry, Ryan, Tiger, Normy hell lot of others around too
brains carry you no where and i ain't have half anyway. I'll wake up one fine day and realise that i destroyed my future with screens and consoles but it never ends A's, Degrees, Masters, Ph.D(?)
is working hard that difficult? intermittent. well God bless you all merry gentlemen
The very 1st song of my WMA today Don't Back In Anger. and that i shall. when all is said and done everything will have seemed so superficial and notwithstanding.
What will be remembered will be remembered. what is lost will never be found salvage if i can, abandon if gone friendship is like a string.
tangible and fragile. ptttt.
men are fickle and i will cease to place trust in people maybe a few. i despise.
but today was spent in company of people. church, where an ice queen completely broke my heart. home, with family, where i completely broke my teeth on claypot rice town, where i completely lost my non-existent skills on pool.
friends and such. hate them, love them I'll still need them
I keep making cynical laughs till i don't know what's genuine anymore. i feel so dejected(?) in what ever i do till i don't really see the point anymore.
Still remember what it was like to be younger where in an all guys school we would check gals out and nub other punk's noses in the sand. figurative, of course. but it always seems to follow two big rules, no matter where i go
1. Gabriel is always wrong 2. If you ever doubt that Gabriel is wrong, slap yourself and refer to rule number 1.
preeeetttyyyy much like that. i don't mind. if its your way of feeling better by putting your stresses on me by all means do so. I'm just this vessel that takes all the shit anyway.
Disappointing, today. nothing really done. and not good, not good at all. at least I've given myself direction
"at least" sounds rather hollow. and maybe I was the one who had broken promises. maybe I'm the one who left. maybe.
but its a big world and running is not a way to escape the harsh tragedies. if you knew your future, what fun would there be? if you could plan your failures your joys your sorrows the paths you take ... but maybe I do want to be a control freak perhaps then I'll know what to say how to act what to do. but that's a life i cannot afford. still, its okay to wish for that pipe dream, no?
btw Kat, some guys over at Batam figured ya to be a hot gal:P makes me happy they be jealous haha, 26 ftw i guess
maybe you never really have to look far.
I like this song: Something in Your Mouth by Nickelback, album Dark Horse. just maybe:P I'll say my attraction started cos you were that.
but oh wells. last revelation. i guess you do not insult nor prod someone else's property now. but i wonder who owns who. but its not like that either i guess. i should just leave it as that. no point in breaking sand, right?
and i just saw an anime pic that i would kill for... *wipes drool...
it will soon be a year since i 1st started blogging. upthrows and down misery and happiness I've put them down in word. angst and pain troubles and joy
but mostly misery, no? XD but i got nothing to smile about except for a perhaps only 2 little events that happened my 1st and only birthday celebration my PW results
anything else would probably just be drag and nonsense and I'm sad. romance frivolity friends.
it just makes me wonder... but i would do everything again if and only if... if
"each day is a gift and not a given right" omg, Dark Horse sure has the coolest lyrics from the coolest songs emo beware, Dark Horse seems to be the antidote...
yea right, but i don't deny Nickelback rocks:) MCR too though... hahahahaha:)
idk, maybe something happened that made me more mellow tonight my mood really swings up and down like a roller coaster but right here right now i just want to be in love if that would be possible...I'll probably just jump that building
i guess Primrose knows who she is... but i'm not serious about it... just a need to... sigh:(
I'm becoming a teeennnnssssyyyy wwwwiiinnnnnsssiiiieee bit emo. really. if the past was bad, i think now would be the apocalypse. nah, exaggeration.
1st things 1st, I'll like to say thank you to everyone for always informing me the last. This is seriously not to anyone in particular and i mean it i just LUUUVVEEEE the fact that i seem to be the last to know stuff but hell, its been the case since time immemorial, so i guess everyone is absolved of blame.
i like today. its the day i discovered that maths ain't that difficult after all. just.....need...to...make...that...last...effort...to try...*pants* (reaches for the pen) arrrgh there we go, now we start writing... and thinking...
now where did my brains go? XD
but really. everything seems to be a little bleak right now what with that beast of anger behind me the Golden Prince and his little swallow (words are gold, since he never speaks..to me anyway) increasingly decreasing eyesight. gaming ... the list goes on. but i still live and God found me again.
ah, life's a beautiful rainbow and i happen to be sliding down it
As i watched 2 people I've shared 4 years with walk along i could only smile to myself and think... why couldn't life just be that simple? banter over a table of brew.
now now, why can't i just speak my mind using a few simple words? ah, the flair for writing. or maybe i just don't like life to be expressed that simply.
contradicting, ain't it?
people, some advice I'll like you all to take. do all things possible while you're young. swing around on the PUB run like a madman let your hair loose let people worry about your safety once in a while. cos one day, you'll have to worry about the mini versions of yourself.
it won't be pretty then. so take a breather and shout if you feel like it. society hasn't come to grasp with our inclusion yet, so hell, just be who ya wanna be when it comes down to work and feeling old let your mid-life crisis do that for you.
friends die on the battlefield together friends leech upon one another and friends forget each other.
no one understands. i do hope some one does though. nights on msn.
late night chatter and banter. I OVERSLEPT and missed the Chem. now i feel bad. but not so now. what's done is done, no amount of apologies nor regrets would aid anywhere. unless its something tangible.
now lets make that happen. salvage salvage salvage, like the little mole rat.
I'm just grousing. sorry's just about more than sufficient :/
jest joke whatever. but the silliest jest i made in time became my greatest truth. now pay me cash for that little bit of clairvoyance.
Greed is now dominant. I WANT THE WORLD! but mostly, I want you. no, make that all of you. MUHAHAHAH XD
but on a more serious note. thx partner. I'll solve me, that I promise you and myself. if I can't love me, at least you people shouldn't have to worry either.
this pain is getting incessant and unnecessary i know not what i do but i do want to be vindicated. but how will i go about exacting revenge?
na, how to forgive when hate is burning hate is consuming it robs you of sanity it robs you of sentient thought in short: it drives you nuts.
somehow, marginal utility of NATM2 seemed really diminished. maybe cos i waited for so long. should i have or should i have not? seen what i shouldn't have, thought what i shouldn't have
let me have your body let me lavish sweet kisses and let me have you to take love to the moon
rip, tear and kill.
let me spread you apart break the thin curtains chaste maiden you will no longer be I'll release my fury stem the tide you will not and finally when you're beaten and bruised I'll withdraw and leave you high and dry my sanity sin complete
and so apparently, my dear DGM is on hold due to a court case regarding copyright infringement. how i wish to beat up the plaintiffs. zzz its just jealously.
op. i said the wrong word. now i've gone along thinking about stuff. damn.
didn't know people had other private blogs. privacy is the best ain't it? but why not just put the stuff ya wanna say right down into a thing called a journal, a book. make it a memoir, a diary and keep it safe.
at least its tangible.
but i most likely shot myself in the foot just saying that. talking to GerryC last night was a rocking time glad that at least i don't need to talk to myself so often.
and so, when will DGM, Claymore and FMA come out? damn.
a quick post for a quick day. there, quick enough.
haha, kidding kidding. i suppose I'm on my very own rehab trip. rehab to stop the flinching...it's really irksome, ya noe. sighz, i guess I'm not so moody no more and its glad to know some things haven't changed. but its sad to know that some things can never be returned to their previous state.
sigh. i really wish that i wasn't to blame but its not to be. and i still feel bad about it, that reps have been smashed somewhat. here and there, i just hope this episode won't be etched into time. there are still tears in my eyes but its too late for regrets, though that sound track just plays on and on in my head.
Regret, by Mai Hoshimura.
Primrose could possibly look prettier by the day and while some flowers wither into dust others became unrooted for bouquets but in the same way, no one has lost their beauty and each day, everyone just grows prettier to me. to me, anyway.
life's a bitch. but can't ya just humour me for one Gdamn moment?
and i love what Kat has posted on her blog youtubbeeeee!!!
