looking back at photos,
i realise many peeps have their own pensive and private lives
and I'm not privy to them
looking at RJ for the(not "a") while, makes me wonder again, why i fell fer her
in the same way, i ken no one, just like no one really ken me

is that sad? haha, the emotions that stir...
six years of infatuation not = six years of relationship...
still...

I've long gone moved on
but its the little bitsy things,
that ur like a secret admirer, a guardian angel...
makes things sweeter at times...

:)
ah, the warm feeling that creeps up inside you
makes me all bubbly for the moment, hehe:)

{ gone at 18:05 }

since i haven't concluded the day yet, i think its still Friday to~day...
or for now at least...
and strangely, i don't feel too bad today...almost cheerful
but perhaps only the blind could not see how bad that facade was...
sigh...talk about perplexing...i know about the bet Choo made with Father...
lol...not possible kid, not...or so i hope...sigh...

oh wells, today, was the most epic...seriously
the only day that i need not come to school, i had to be late
seriously...
i didn't ken i was late till i was at the school gate...OMG, ROFL
late
1st time in CJ
when i need not be in school...EPIC!!!

Chem SPA...sigh...tough, this year...really tough...
Polyclinic visit was really sian...like up down home back that kind of sian
Xray, etc, end up, i'm like sitting on the fence...
no real conclusive evidence, is what i'll diagnose the doctors...zzz

went to St'Gabs...saw 1st hand, what was troubling my colleagues
epic fail, that idiot...
then to tuition...nothing really went in, but just had fun...
Leo is...another deep hearted sigh
then off to my kakis, to drink and dunk...
and seriously, if ya not alert...its hallelujah
and Melvin's Gf...is the michelle that malcolm had been talking about...IMBA la...

THE WORLD IS INDEED SMALL

so now back home, to tank a few...sadness anew
i wish i could love you
but i don't ken the outcome,
of seeing anyone with me

{ gone at 02:38 }

now that's a bummer...with all the bomb scares and such
seeing this 2 discarded bags in the lift spooked me for a moment...
till i realised that death was nothing
and that i'm at my block, for His sake! which low self-esteem terrorist would bomb a HDB lift...rofl

but i sobered, when i realised that i still have people caring for me
hmmm....sad ain't it...to die, yet not to die
and epic...i coughed at the wrong time on my drag...zzz...

that's it...no more sticks...till i'm past asthma...false bravado gets you no where
since no dude~ess really needs me hor...hehe

and for the entire day,
chilled at PE, walked around due to "bai ka":P
then chilled at lessons...missed a "baht" joke...
times like this made me have regrets...BAH
then GP remedial...haha, now i got clearer picture of how poor my phrasing is...ROFL
played Bball with Mr.Hoi near evening time...cool player, just short of stamina, just like me:P Mr. Jason Liu was there too...and we got owned by SJI dudes...

had a long talk with Chan afterwards...
then dinner, Mal, Marc, Chan and Choo
cool fellas...makes me not regret coming to CJ...

lastly, i realised,
then i'm only uptight when she's around
the chat in the canteen was totally relaxed, and i was...myself

now i realise that the truth may not be as hard as i thought...
oh wells

{ gone at 22:32 }

Dunno when i've been so spiritual
but christian worship is all that's ringing in my ears these days
and its all that's reigning me in...

I apologise for blowing up today...its not me,
and its not fair to my classmates...wish i could get over this soon

Not much feelings but bare emptiness
not much love but for a few
God, family, and my dear T26
perhaps a few assortments here and there...haha...

just a last word

right now, I'm living for my friends, not for myself
in my eyes i'm long past overdue
its what's left of you peeps, that makes me still...me?
perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

and a great thank you to
Tubby
ya made my day, without even doing nth
LOVE YA TUBBS!!!

i wish i may,
i wish i might
have the reality
in my dream tonight

{ gone at 21:11 }

I want to cry so badly

i really don't know why

{ gone at 21:48 }

really i do love CNY
this year has been seriously great
really, nothing better, than this year,(since this is also the most recent in memory:P)
cos...



haha, so in summary,
everything on my left side, is seriously incapicitated:(

from ankle, to knee, to thigh, to wrist and to palm...and all on the left:P

but it doesn't compare to the bare emptiness i'm feeling right now

Labels: scrapes and cuts

{ gone at 20:59 }

My 1st reunion dinner of 2009




followed by this one:P




New year passed without much hubub...
i felt that it was good, normal, typical
and i like it that way:(

the next day, which is today?

well...went pretty well...
the usual calls on relatives...
i've always wondered, is there a roster, fixed in such that some people
go around, and others stay at home? :P

Went to Ubin, took a few pics

alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5295621257635848162" />

Somewhere in Ubin, some "ulu" bike trail




Leading to...




visual ba...lol...it hurt like crazy la!!!
my mother, couldn't take the bike down a trail, so i did...
HAHAHAHAHA

i wish i could laugh like this forever,
enjoy the little pains,
if i could hurt like this forever,
i really don't mind, so as long as you're by my side

Sigh, right now, right then, we could still share touches
and caring hugs, but once we get down to adulthood,
our mutual friendships will eventually breakdown...
no more carefree lifestyles,
just plain imprisonment by society's judgements...

and i'll like to know,
am i out of your circle?
perhaps i'm sensitive, but hell
give me some say, some leeway
i'm sure i'll love to be in the dark


day by day, we live our lives
but what if my life revolved around yours?
how then, will you live yours?

Labels: scrapes and cuts

{ gone at 23:04 }

A normal guy leading a normal life
same pressures as anyone else
same situations as anyone else
nothing makes me extra special
but nothing makes me extra normal

I'm me
and i shall live to be me
whether i like it or not
so i guess, i can start afresh?
and live a life of...Me?

St. Gab's meeting
Tuition
Reunion dinner,
Eventful, i must say


But i still can't erase you from memory
I hate the emotions that stir
when ever i think of you

{ gone at 23:00 }

today, was the most confusing day,..of the year, so far...
Chinese New Year celebrations, with much fanfare, we had yusheng and such
and the dance performances were great, drama equally chill
ODAC served as a great finisher too...

but more then ever, i feel incredibly hurt,
that the eyes i really yearn for, are the eyes gifted to another
to say i read too much, that, perchance, may be true
but what can i do, but feel jealous?

if i cannot be with you, i just want to be beside you
but i'm not one to say anything, for i carved this path for myself...
i hardened this shell of mine
placed impregnable walls up around myself...
will you be like the Israelite procession
that tore down the walls of Jericho?

but looking at you now,
i have little hope, that you would want to have anything to do with me
so i shall lay down my arms and put down my pride
and forget that i ever was your friend

i've based my new year resolutions on you as motivation
i think now, i've no need to resolve to do anything anymore


The tides have turned, the wind has gone
back to the hole i once dug
to find comfort in solitude
to seek rest in Baby Girl's arms
God, help me make the right decision

{ gone at 17:32 }

look at me
really, take a look
what do you see?

perhaps a transparent body?
or a container of memories?
cos if you don't, i likely would see you as such
or not

for as long as anyone out there
still cares about my life or death,
i'm not going to expire on you...not lest God takes me home

to be an acquaintance is not difficult
to be a friend, is not an uphil task either
but to be nakama now that's complimentary
don't have many, but that's the whole point
i try to be one but very occasionally i'll fail...
so my dear people, can i be forgiven?

for i'm finally willing to be hefted out
ready to receive the living world
sick of death, tired of brooding
but will you be there to show me round?

{ gone at 20:19 }

today, seemed to be a more enjoyable day...
i mean, what can beat intense PE and training all on the same day?
but, its better than next week, where i've got to bring PE all on all days of the week
sigh:P

but besides, Tubby (or Gerry) asked me a strange question
how was your day?
simple but it seemed to kick something in me
and i appreciated the little things that i had gained for today
knowledge, friendship, fitness,
seems strange, but i sorta felt appreciative...more than usual
the little connections, the little touches...sigh

i looked at what i had been becoming
and had thought that i was wrong
but i've always been the social reject, since i reject society
society is as society dictates and i find that dictation absurd
so what to do? follow what people around me have been saying?
preposterous, ridiculous, ludicrous, asinine

A year ago, i came across a girl
sweet and charming, i had in every mind, that she was my type
but being applicable, need not necessarily mean probable
and thus the memory fades,
then in came another, for which no rhyme nor reason, i tripped
to my total relief, i have gotten over that silly period
but back to day one, i'm really wondering now,
really, truly, seriously

However...

a real mistake made, is one that you do not learn from


You're the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
I'm so sorry, my dear Seraphina

{ gone at 22:18 }

i'm so furious at myself and anyone around
i really could just hit any Tom on the streets
but,
perhaps i'm the stupid one...after all, i went to take up puffing
i actually thought smoking could cure me woes
FAT CHANCE...it only worsened them...
to beg forgiveness, i'm not doing that
but i'm not going to turn into a delinquent, that's a no-no

perchance, todays went rather awry...
with conclusions and even more and more class politics...
but i'm saddened...
the only reason i'm doing my best and trying so hard, is cos of 3 reasons
1.Hon~na
2.Me still being in T26
3.Regrets

If any were to break and fade,
then i too may as easily fade but 2 have already become faint

Its hard to love someone whom you can't love
and its harder when you know you don't stand a chance
better yet, i'm taking it out on people around
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!!

i think you think i'm dumb
but clearly your past and gone
what happened to the friendship we had
flashed back into the past perhaps

{ gone at 19:58 }

Sigh...
today's a way tiring day...
the amount of PT done...whoa!!
sometimes i look at myself and wonder
why do people keep calling me fit, when i'm all but a husk of my formal self...
sigh...

still, less brooding...i still can do 3.6 in 20(oopsie) mins:P

now i'm beginning to wonder...am i doing the right thing?

{ gone at 22:34 }

Inspirations and the truth at last
but still i mood and brood,
that i'm still in stuck in the mire
oh wells

yesterday was great...
BBQ for class bonding...yea, right...
got way too tipsy,
and way too smoky...stupid wind...zzz
still, i really enjoyed myself, or not really
cos i found that most of the scandalous questions got aimed at me
or somewhat, that's what i feel la...
and since almost the whole class knows,
i'll just say that i did like her, only towards the end
the initial beginnings had no spark at all,

but times have past, and times are gone,
lets look forward, and if people, you wanna associate me again with another classmate,
pls think about the implications on the other party, not me

homework issues and classroom romances?

And my daddy said "stay away from Juliet"

{ gone at 18:02 }

sigh...
apt sayings and rantings
i'm feeling so lost...as in seriously, i suddenly lost my life's direction
sorry that this week has been so bad babes and hunks,
that i have been so irritable
i think i'll still be no where calm, but i'm put on that fake smile,
just for the BBQ

School lessons today was chill...
new eccentric teacher for Econs
the only problem, is that the class may not be that great
and A DOod said smth that stilled my heart for a moment in joy
but i need to let go,
seriously i do
before the a scandal sparks and a life goes haywire again
i try, really i have
I've believed that God has someone for me and still do...
i have no need to look for her, that He'll provide
which is why i sometimes look with disdain at couples...

let me ask:
1.do you date someone to know them better
2.or do you date them and look forward to a life with that person?

Marriage is a scary institution to me...

Training was a bit hard wall today
but coach was already good enough to give me leeway...
and then rushed over to St'Gabs
to no regret man:)
Thanks for the treat at Sakae, Mr. Lim!


and a great thing i just realised
i've always been wanting people to trust me,
to let me be the ranting shoulder...
but then i realised, i don't exactly portray the image of trustworthiness
and i don't actually trust others with my secrets either
oh wellls:P

i'm willing to lend you my shoulder,
but how far would you go if i did the converse?
will it be to take and plunder my secrets
or hold them forever in your heart?

{ gone at 23:11 }

Now i'm pissed,
as in seriously, "don't fucking come near me" pissed
i don't know why, must i
think so much
hate so much
act like an idiot
and talk like one

but being pissed with myself, is not the thing
you really think i want to drop H2 ah, Cammie...

asides that, i'm pissed at my attitude
my conclusions
and my adversity to work
past that, i want to vent my frustration out on something
it had better not be you...
i need to scream and shout, and mug alot

times have changed, and the past is the year forgotten
talk about a bonded class...all i see are Hi-Bye friends

but that's me, and everyone's been ignoring me anyway
times are hard for loner me...

I'm getting tiresome, yet very tired
JH told me my phase seems more permanent this time
somehow, i don't seem to doubt his words

{ gone at 19:48 }

i feel dead
i'm really like so ready to jump off somewhere
perhaps out my class window ba, but that's not fair to my classmates
feeling dead, its not exactly being dead, but its close

and today even worse,
people thought it was one of my normal swings
all i can say is, good job
have you ever seen me in such temper?

looking at a friend's blog,
on a smile of stitches, i find that apt, in my sitution
that i smile and smile and smile and smile
but i find it so false, and so very out

ah, forget it, i'm back to my old self again...
just another person in T26,
nice people, each in their own world
having their own loss and gain
grouches and grouses
moans and pains

what a medley of miserable businesses
i miss my verbal sparring partner...
RAG, where you be in all the hectic school term?!
and ya still owe me 20 bucks:P

how i wish i could be,
a knight in shining armor, for all the world to see
a play of words, a stab in me,
all i ask for, is a sweet: "miss me?"
but that for all the world, is not to be
she likes my good buddie, and not me
I search and search to no avail
the answer, to her great turnaround
is she vixen behind those tears
or is it just an imagination gone wild?
that attacks a heart so fragile
and a mind so naive,
that anyone could possibly want gaboohongee

Heartaches and Breaks
i wish you would stop pretending to ignore me, and hate me instead...that a way i'll shall know better

{ gone at 21:51 }

got a new seating partner
her's name's Chiaz...and i think she's a damn cool gal
aside from the fact that she wears a Marist Bra...zzz
bet studying would be easier now, since i have no one on my left
(does that make sense?)

Today pretty much sucked the whole day
got mad, so one came near me, when all i really needed was someone
Mr. Ho caught me for "short" socks, when mine were normal...oh wells
God gave me back my wallet...i'm happy...i guess...

Chuah Bee Bah is the name of my Maths Teacher...super old, super soft, super experienced

Mrs. Tan is the name of my PE teacher
She's also my basketball coach...
oh wells...more suaning

Khoo Xin Yun is a girl who dao-ed me the whole day...
wonders what did i do...

Edwin Chan is my Gay Buddy
We do "HAPPY" stuff together

Tessa is a new girl in my class...
her quiet appearance is a great facade, i think:P

Makes me Cheerful
Makes me Gay
Makes me VERY VERY MOODY

and yes, i'm getting jealous

{ gone at 18:33 }

Ah, the perfect way to start your year
is to lose your fucking wallet on the 1st day

how's that for starters?

next up is the bus driver,
who couldn't see sense...
i always thought that the drivers being picked on was unfair...
now i think that those who get beaten up deserve it...
some ass clowns really know how to compund the anger...
where's my God's supplication?

then next up:

Screw you bitch, for messing with my life
Curse you slut, for playing that dance upon my heart
Pull no more strings woman, for you have become nothing but a pesky attachment
Up yours, turn to the left
Lets see what mutiliation will do to your soul
Sexist bastard i no doubt am,
Playful child when i'm angry, not
To the new and faithful year, a good "Fuck You" seems appropriate
Random rantings when things turn out not so right

Don't mess with me, when i show nothing but an angry light
Livin life this way seems great

call me sensitive, JH...but that's what i'm becoming

Irate
Unreasonable
Impatient
Undesirable

haven't you finished playing your games yet?

{ gone at 17:42 }

BORING was the word
TROUBLE, is probably what i'm going to be in
LOVE is what i'll try not to find
HATE is what i have for this world
MYSELF, that is who i have to blame
EVERYBODY, each living in their own selfish world,

lets maintain the status quo

Open House, not Open Can

{ gone at 22:33 }

a completely interesting day...
tmr a waste of time
FUCK, why the hell do i have to go for the school's open house tmr
its not like i'll be needed there...NBCCB
life's a wasting, time's a flying
not that i'll have anything better to do...still
its better to waste time somewhere else...

went with Jar out to get his guitar...
bought something not too cheap, but not too shabby...
strummed a little, then off to life...
Went over to Grandma's
dinner, then 麻油鸡 at Kovan

now home to stone, regretting i was born
on a november morning
or even born at all

Backlash Brutality
The Stings Of Flunctuation

{ gone at 23:26 }

I feel seriously weird
like somethings going to happen...
somebody's going to get hurt real bad...and it probably be me...

bad enough, today was not too bad
just with the prospect that getting that SPF scholarship
would be as great as jumping off a building...
not very good at all...4 out of any number of applicants...GAH

but it was comical today...
went to K9 unit...the Police Dog section
not too shabby the various demonstrations...
but it was chill, went the trainer said
"sit"
the dog took a "shit"

lol...

Time Spent And Gone
And More HiBye Billies

{ gone at 22:42 }

The Ting Tings
retarded band...but oh so awesome...
haha...their MV quite psychodelic...or thats the feel that it gave...
oh wells, they're quite non-sense:P
Great DJ!!!!

went over to Yishun...Orchid country club...
for a "youth leadership programme"
screw it man, i didnt sign on for that thing, just the damn attahment...
now i'm just going to waste my time in the pool...great, fuck, whats more

saw some old peeps, made a few acquaintances, had some fun
or a little fun...and i so need to chiong my homework...
brother's coming back from Thai soon...
still hating my life, still the same old
guess the new year aint nothing new

looking at you with murderous intent
with a deep sigh:
why did you come into my life?

{ gone at 22:03 }

Thx for being my friend
thx for the presents

{ gone at 23:55 }

I feel fked...
just real fucked up

passed the day, rather pissed
ended the day, rather pissed

and still i wonder why am i here...
i hate myself

someone come claim this forgotten babe

{ gone at 23:16 }

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