Its time to let go, thanks to a little chat about myself to a friend quite dear much was let known, much more was known and truthfully, coming to terms with reality is not such a bad thing after all I'm not inferior, just different she has her reasons, now i have mine to share a love will mean needing a special person
A song unsung, a heart far flung To hence borders, unknowst to anyone Why do i cry so, i do not know Just that something's missing, from this fair soul I cry in wild abandon, to find that no one hears I pine with sadness, knowing not, the end to this madness Sing with me, you lovelorn fellows And join with me, in a simple chorus Lover's tiffs, and heartfelt quarrels, Be little, in the eyes of everlasting love A simple poem, to express simple thoughts on how to love, and how to not.
Blog on hiatus till the 4th Dec i guess, cos of a compound trip to Cambodia and Mawai
i'm still wishing we could be together though its a thing of the past? Man is fickle.
sigh, packing packing and more packing wish though that packing would be my unpacking of my heart sigh hope this trip to Cambodia would be my wake up call but i don wanna see an end miss you sweetheart
today... well... in two minds, in two minds i mean, started out good, then bad then wonderful, then anti-climax...sometimes...seriously nice morning, cool and lovely popped over to polyclinic, to see if they could adminster me malaria pills so waited 2 hrs, for the doc to tell me cannot, (receptionists are useless) then go TTSH, kena fked, like $170 for a measly 17 pills can ya imagine that...and still, that entailed like another 3 hours... at least Mavis outing was fun...though...HOLES IN ME POCKET, DAH! Seoul Garden, eat and eat and eat and poor sardine, made fun of her so cham...though XH and sis didn't fair much better "I'm Sixty," so says vanessa not bad ah, sis...teach me ur anti-aging tips:P argued with me mum over hearsay...HEARSAY, OMG... wish i kept my mouth shut...really...
Times A Past Life's A Wasting What Have You Done With It So Far?
hmmm just remembered, that i was to actually have a migraine diary, to track frequency and severity so, guess what, forgot la...but since i'm talking about it yes, it happened again, no thanks to yours truly himself, who triggered it by straining myself during training today which now leaves me in 2 minds to go on friday, or not to go on friday gah, no biggie...Mawai, Cambodia, Pharmacy Camp, SPF attachment? damn damn damn...too much, too little time
and back to today, rather light migraine actually, must be God again, to spite me since i was so adamant about miracles not happening guess it did today:P
so i could PSP with ChanChooYun:) and dinner and pool with added member GK!!! gah, my pocket's going to run to ground soon and i still need to spend some more...GAH i need to work...
It was a night like this, Where I confessed my heart to my belle, my sweet She took it calmly and told me nicely, Not now, not yet, but maybe
And so opened Pandora's Trophy Where it led to me being happy, sorry, sad and seething with envy For from the start it was meant not to be I knew her not, she knew not me But every moment i saw her i felt at peace And troubles at that time were history I fancied another while being with she But Gaboo knows no polygamy So out went 6 years of pining For this new female, this mystery
But like was said, we could not be For she could not forget her ex, her fantasy I was just happy to be Mr. Dream's Supplementary, to tide her over, to let her be For I didn't seek to replace her knight in shining armour, see? But turned me away she did, for one i could little see The reason for her to pine and weep, unnecessarily
But I respected her wishes And so now i am Downtrodden Heartbroken And in Misery
I SWEAR, I SHALL NEVER EAT CRAB AGAIN its sucks to the core, cos I'm allergic to it :P now angry welts are appearing everywhere on me body, save the sacrosanct unmentionables... though crab tasted so good...grrr...and i ate it on Sunday some more... oh wells... just came back from a nice little gathering at Hougang, Chan's place didnt go training cos my leg is seriously sprained... still can walk, but the strain is definitely there wednesday, by hook or crook, MUST go down show face liao
so, MHF2G the whole day i swear, its unfair, that CKE got all the stuff damn man, i wann kill too..screw my 'restart' status miss you hon...still i do...but still u'll ignore me got ur phone back yet? haha, just a great big ache in this head of mine
Its tough being a son seriously...too many expectations, all of which are actually reasonable guess synergy is in place... oh wells, not that i did anything wrong... just more or less disappointed in myself...AGAIN? gah, poetics, poetics, but i'm not too savvy about it... this is really getting random
as for today, nothing really much did come up did nothing, saw not, any close friends basically, a wonderful day wasted just the way i love and hate it.
at times, i still wonder why did i leave you, Huiling? definitely me, perhaps...perhaps, perhaps... oh wells, you'll tell me that i think too much haha, just makes me wanna laugh and looking at ****...i also wonder... thinking about why i stayed with the hope of RJ again i wonder wonder wonder wonder wonder wonder its hard to live with love but equally difficult to live without
How Mature Are We, To Come Up With Love Sadness And Misery?
Was just going through some memories once again, i brood and mood its not pleasant, looking at my heart's affection or do i have a heart anyway? i think i do...at least... but the future's come along, cruel and harsh, it took the times away all that's left is an empty shell, trying to fill itself i feel so lonely at night, in the morn, and all times of my life "you don't know me, you don't even care" picking up to go to Boston? sigh...
fine morning, we played basketball, my fine crew of 4F... at least, the few remnants of it... 4v4, really showed me how much my fitness has dropped:P but its the sweat and laughter, that made me happy and i enjoyed my time, (to think people think i hate life) haha...not that my other friends aren't any fun:P we all lead different lives, have our little multi-faceted masks thats why i hate socialising, cos everyone is so false my T26 smile my Mavis cracks my buddy talk and the ah beng stance its at home, when no one is watching, that EVERY SINGLE HYPOCRITE DROPS HIS/HER BRAVADO or maybe its greviously me...just me, who has this problem but people, look deep and ask if this is true that in different cliques you throw different attitudes i cannot be genuine, if all the world throws at me are snides and disdain
and so, a nice and fun day began well...went to NUS for the last time this week... imagine...going a 1hour trip there, just to spend 1hour there... not bad, huh...cos i went to sent off Kelvin aka Than The Song Tung and so sad, our little entourage only consisted of Me, XYZ, Luke, Norman...and in a way, GK...our class is fragmented, seriously... but in a sense...we're close? i dunno anymore... cos i'm trying to distance myself from the reality, that next year, Gabriel Hong won't be in T26...only in spirit, maybe even not some comforting words? Actually, i think "I Told You So" seems more appropriate i mean, she's not there anymore, what's the point? i hope its just a phase...but my phases tend to last DAMN LONG... it pains me to speak, so i shall be dumb it pains me to hear, so i shall be deaf it pains me to think, so i shall cease to be Envy and jealousy, are but a part of me sleepless nights and tough fights I'm still a nobody Madagascar 2 was fun though...just some insanity...and some... Luke's the man, and Barney's still the gay purple dinosaur
There is a time to brood and a time to mood but i guess...now's not the time? somehow, i just feel down...all the time just, down...for no reason at all... its not even being emo, just...down down down down down down down down down why am i even typing this? Ctrl-V downdowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndown downdowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndowndown that gave me a thrill...or not... why am i so in the dumps its not like i don't wanna lift myself out... its like every moment, i see a friend, i feel a little down i see myself, i feel even worse haha, i need a serious dose of Ryan's PW: SELF ESTEEM but, then again...i'm not exactly this way when i'm with you guys, right? my friends of everywhere...ya don actually see me moody much... so no reason why i'm so nuts here and physics was fun today it wasn't as bad as i thought time with duckie was also great but it made me remember someone else
hmmm, today just a little broody actually, pretty fine, up till lunch, when someone had to talk about someone else vagueness...but its all i'll disclose but overall, was a bright and sunny day today much fun, much learning, much sleeping Science Focus is alright Much ado over nothing la but on for tomorrow, where its all hell and madness dunno what i've gotten myself into, for its an all PHYSICS module tmr and when was the last time i had touched physics? maybe like...SEC 2??? oh wellz...get to see duckie today as well...she's lame as ever and now, i don't know what to say i really don't know now a two way turn? don't make me anymore the blurgab but if there's a chance let me be the 1st in line to know...that's all i ask.
a short little blog for a short little day submitted the 'dropping' form... so, settled le, going to drop to H1 econs and with it, maybe my HT and buddies but its all the fruit i have reaped so, i don really give a hoot anymore the only sadness felt, need not be public and for Chia and a few others, its not that hard to guess, ain't it
She's still somewhere in my heart but whether to let it go, more than ever, i need an answer she said no, so me no too?
Hung out at Chan's today was kind of dreary but fun, in a 'kill the Khezu' kind of way Science Focus tmr... hope its fun and interesting or else i'll bring my PSP Looking forward to seeing Duckie
I'm tired I'm really really tired I really want to sleep now to sleep for eternity why can't God let me? I've ailments of every kind, both physical and mental i'm so dependent, i can't live on my own its not fair to ask for anyone to kill me nor for me to kill myself Life is as God gives, so why can't He see beyond this pain? or perhaps its me, that's the great insufferable whiner
Turns and tides are part of life but can someone show me the big picture? be happy and be forgiven, for a day may come when you've lost them all go forth and have peace, for Hell is behind every turn hurt your family, and live with the memory of pain ignore your friends, what are you left with? quote with wild abandon, but the meaning is lost 'til you've made your own this place is a serious ground for ranting and random-ness and it burns, and it stings and it hurts
but brood and be reminiscent, you'll soon get lost in time i have loved and been loved in return i just didn't see beyond the short time we had and now that there comes this parting of ways a searing of the embroidery we were part of stitches and frayed ends, we've all had to go
its stressful and taxing all this thinking has left me very weak i could be falling into depression i could be just crazy but i'm not as fit as i was i've really been sickly but everyone thinks i'm the Iron Man
now all that's left is but a gaboohongee and his silly little baby
My Loves Are Lost And Gone And The Only Person Left Other Than Family, Is But The Baby In Me
By telling Patrick all that stuff i guess its officially over in my own heart? that i have learnt to let go, and let go quickly its been an eventful 2~3 days seeing that much time had been wasted in travelling I'm terribly confused, seriously, i dunno what direction to take now its okay to be rejected i suppose, but could she have not told me blatant lies?
It burns, and i've given up this kind of childish entertainment... but seeing QN and Jess just now...i'm nothing but full of tears i'm pathetic, and useless couldn't do my Promos properly, not handling schedule clashes appropriately not teaching cadets and leading by example what more? on the eighth, on the way back to camp, saw JF and AK on their way to celebrate ur Bdae Keng...hahaz...and...never mind
St'Gab's has more than been a 2nd home to me now... i thank the CIs and TOs, for their gentle encouragements...and for their warm welcome that they have presented to me... My phone has spoilt...and all that time i was so worried, cos i wanted to contact her and it was a show i guess, cos her reply to me was just a direct up-end to what she said before...AH, FORGET IT... but sweetheart, i don blame you, and truly, all i wanted to do was to be his substitute...till the day u forgot him, or got over...and now that you did...do i still need to maintain this proximity?
and now that i've also given up RJC... how many more will i throw away? what other things will i give up, for the sake of nothing? the class will be split into so many others can i take it?
Lastly, finally obtained my 1-Star Kayaking held concurrent with my camp... 2x9 hrs of sunburn, but the most disappointing thing to happen, was that people pulled out over some matters but maybe i'm too quick to judge i'm a guy, i suppose...and gals...well...i agree that swimming in shit was not amusing...lol still, i wanna congrats those who came through...especially you Baby Mum Muchas Gracias
Considerations And Inconsiderations Heartbreak And Regret The Shoulder I Want To Cry On Is But A Fantasy For The Only Blades To Lie On Are The 2 That Are On Either Side Of My Head
oh well, not bad a hand to deal to me ah, God? make me drop H2... so its like this Bio--> D Chem--> B Econs--> D Maths--> D and to keep all H2s... MSG: 3.5 Mine: 3.75
ah, what a bummer, and just after my Bdae too! so, like i said, someone should have killed me before i turned 17 and really really wanted to cry, when saw Rach and Cheng Cheng's tally sigh...life's a bed of roses, with thorns and a bed of down
oh wells, can't be helped... sad, sullen and ashen-faced life goes on
going for the St.Gab's camp soon tmr no blog...
Gone To Hell And Back Makes Me Wanna End Up Nowhere
My wish didn't come true: i didn't die before i turned 17 still, i had a great celebration of my 17th birthday... and seriously, it was the 1st celebration i've ever had memorable? definitely...much to my chagrin of standing on a chair oh my oh me, what am i to do, must be sporting lor... and have yet to open Tall Mum, Baby Mum, Brinjal and Snow White's present to me haha, sadly, XYZ, hard to give ya this as well and seriously, i really thought it was just a class outing...and strangely falling on my birthday as well...then debbie said got birthday party, oh wells,
today as well, got bio olympiad, as said so many times and it went well i mean, completing 200 questions in 3 hours...(much tikam tikam de) saw Colin Lai...my old budd...well missed, that fella... and Duckie was at City Hall! Miss me so much to track me down ah, duckie!
collected passport...dumbo choo, didn't want to wake up... sabo me and chan sleeping time so emo post? na, i'm happy...so guess i shall call it off... amd to borrow a wise word from David "guys, u are so late...i was born 17 years ago..."
Seventeen Still The Girl Of My Dreams Be The Baby In Me
ouch, keng...fever of 39.8?!? that's insanity...and yes, why didn't ur brain fry? haha, and my remedy is to 'ji~m' in cold water, come out and feel like ur in Antartica then go wrestle with ur brothers, then go to bed...tried and tested, it works! though u'll be paralyzed by the freezing 25~28C temperature, its all fine:)
and as for today, went as said yesterday, and tell you, I'm SERIOUSLY in for a lot of shite tmr...cos i haven't studied in depth, still got..erm...NPCC prep, and erm...YA, OLYMPIAD! so why did i get myself into this mess...hmmm...good question... maybes its was tos stops mes froms gettings distracteds? poor old me, no time to study... poor old me, no time to play poor old me, driving myself up the wall poor old me...ah, Fk it... and as ya can read, i'm in a jolly sorta mood... a sardonic kind of mood one where u might say is the calm before the storm...maybe, just maybe... I'm really trying my best, to pent up the 'barang' before 'there she blows!'
feel like the world is on your shoulders? wanna break down and cry ur heart out? lost a friend and bit their dust? :) no worries, no one will be there to assist you, oh, no one...why would there be?
The Girl Of My Dreams The Baby In Me Someone Kill Me Before I Reach Seventeen
cream pies and stuff waffles with ice cream sweet little things, that make me on top
just some randomness, cos i'm really tired ill today, after trip to Pat's house... he's a tard, but a smart and talented tard and i'm a turd...haha... Proposal, proposal, and with the free time left, i went home to sleep... so basically, havent had time to look at the Bio Olympiad thingy... wanna die? YES, AND BADLY... sweet thing apparently ignored me, not important anymore but this childish and obstinate behaviour, is not of lil'o gaboohongee u drive me crazy, and all the time, i noe i'm losing you... it hurts, it hurts, but life goes on...
more NPCC stuff tmr, more more more tour of St.Gabs, then back to school for the olympiad? oh yea, today's the 4th...OH, TODAY'S the 4th... forgot about wenjie..hahah...oh wells,
Wish I Had You Here Cos I'm At The Crossroads Once Again The Girl Of My Dreams, The Baby In Me
ah, this is becoming a habit, multiple posts in one day... oh wells, sad and tired, just came back from St.Gab's proposal meeting for a camp that will run concurrently with my 1-Star kayaking sigh, what did i get myself into, i have no idea am sad, cos it looks like i lost someone...well not Yang, we're still chill someone else, someone...sweeter... but ARGH, what am i doing... i need to study for bio olympiad, i need to pack my uniform for camp i need i need i need i need i need i need i need i need so many things...but the most important...God? dunno why do christians have so many more problems? i find that free-thinkers seem to go about with less worry other religions don seem to be as troubled as christians...
and as i was heading out to serangoon, was wondering what is a female? haha...sounds strange ain't it... but if there anyone out there, who would like to explain to me how ya think cos its giving more hurt than 1 could possibly imagine...
hoooo haaaa hahhahaha, a deep sadness in my heart, profound and forlorn
a great leap of joy from the wells, cos OP is over, yet, i find that something else was lost, though not related to OP i don wish to be a burden to her, but still, sigh, its always sigh, ain't it? and then related to OP, our group disbanded huh? i dunno if i wanna live with it cos PW meetings, and everythin was fun up to our quarrels, and pigging out at RAG's fortress gah, now i'm ever the blurgab can someone talk some love sense into me?
walking back, was completely nuts, muttering in tongue its been so long since i actually conversed with God, and all i spat out were words of anger and hate, well, at least that was my sentiment though in tongue, no one understands, right? I feel like returning to church, to be back with the hypocrites or should i jump church? who wililng to integrate this difficult person here? catholic or christian, i don really mind...maybe i do...ah, forget it
nearing landmark, nearing landmark! landmark of DOOM!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OP is tmr, so i ttthhhiiiinnnkkkk i'm going to fail it la, hor? though i enjoyed the experience actually, wish it wasn't tied down to A levels:( sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh=P i'm eloquent in the wrong language, interactive in the wrong sense and knowledgeable in the way of the crooked so i really wish OP was about hokkien, then i'll own! A* in the bag:) did a touchie up on me InR my written seems alright, its the oral thats giving me the creeps though Gerry gave me tip! they dunno what you talking about, so just make sure u make sense, then they nothing to say as well! foreboding and retarded, i think i made a lot of wrong decisions somewhere like this affection for someone close, its all wired wrong:( migraine coming up, gonna skip OP wooo!!! so iguess, i'm trying to be emo in an un-emo way!!! looking for the best in the bad!!! woo!!!! i'm in love with myself, i wanna spare me the pain of this world, but still, this filth is better than hell... but what with this emo happiness, don't think that the Pearly Gate will open for me...so if i'm going to burn anyway, why not burn now!!! wooo!!!
Words mean nothing Pictures talk too much freeze frame in time, i wish for eternity to be with who i love and to be with who i hate, to make them who i love its not easy to be perfect, but in my own little world, i try to ask for perfection to be the perfect friend to be the perfect boyfriend to be the perfect son to be the perfect student to be the perfect gamer
but life is not to be for perfection lies in God as much as i wish to be like Him He makes it so very hard so now, all i ask is to be human to love life as God gave it to me
So why do i strive for oblivion? i hate this world, not myself everything in it is so wrong, so wrong, so wrong i wish to have companionship, one like minded fool to share this pain, to harbour this joy a honey and my sweet pie
Night Safari was fun highlight of the day Cheng and the Butcher... though i think, if Mr. Hoi actually popped up and said hi it would have been the scariest thing:P much to everyone's sentiment the best actor, the chinese Vamp seriously, he was damn good looked like prop then UH scare everyone MQ was so spastic going everywhere asking for number and such...lol girls were hot, just like the class ppl:P love ya Tall and Baby Mum! thx Jess fer the wonderful lobang
it pains me to speak, so i shall be dumb