its my fault its my fault its my fault its my fault
and nothing i could do... stupid St'Gab camp, so many reminisces i could only stare in horror as i viewed the history logs...
its so painful, now more than ever, i need the whole world to blame me to shoot me...
Edwin Chip makes sense, that if it should be, it would be that we need a hiatus, i can only wait... i cannot express the sorrow, if only i took my chance then, then, and then, If,If and only If...
i cannot forgive myself now, not since i went down this road
i am 17, going on 18 Its about time for me, to go to NS, finally grow up, become the man i am
you are 17 going on 18 come this december i really miss you hope to care for you beside me, till the end.
Better than the riches of this world better than the sound of my friend's voices better than the biggest dreams of my heart and that's just the start
To go somewhere where i can totally forget myself and begin anew? sigh...what have i done, what have i done?
love and hate are powerful, ain't they to know that she loved you 1st and that your love her drove her to hate i'm immensely tired...
something Deborah showed me today was incredibly uncanny... but would it have made a difference? No... maybe its cos I never listen at all and all the time i was asking for direction...none came
I have been forsaken...but this period is stressful i'll see how it goes...but soon before long, i may break its not like the world is over if all my recent happy memories are erased though i don't mind
Mawai...i only remember so little and they hurt...
today, Chem with the Bong, once again, he never fails to make us smile how awkward he made feel me though... went home with the company of Teo... he shared this, so i'm inclined to share
the reason for the lac operon monodisaccharide v.s. disaccharide in respiration if glucose is present, there's no need for lactose to be used that's why glucose is the 1st "control" for the lac operon's function if there's no glucose, cAMP will then be in high concentration, allowing the activation of CRP, which will deactivate the repressor RNA polymerase will then transcript for the enzymes needed for lactose to be used as a substrate
Its a scar borne on my heart, be she lover or be she friend, I'm denied either Nothing i say or do now can change anything But its what i don't know i CAN do that keeps me at a painful loss day by day, i just float into space... Sitting Waiting Wishing
Talk about loneliness, I'm the one sitting alone most of the time... It brings such conflicting thoughts... this is something that i don't know where and how to act... I'm probably some oddity listening in on a conversation that i have no business jumping into anyway...
who needs my 2 cents worth? i probably don't make much sense anyway... sigh, the broken chain of thoughts...
i want to kick myself... so what if i didn't bring my notes... excuse to sleep ah... DISGUSTING. FILTH. WASTREL.
I... had a whirlwind of ups and downs today... 2nd in class for Econs test, though Bio just scraped a misery pass... it takes 2 hands to clap eh?
downs...perhaps i shouldn't go thinking about it...
but hey shaz, i got no excuse for the way i treated you i always said i'll be here for my friends huh you made me remember that promise
sorry.
And no matter how much I'm willing to give my life for you if I don't view it as priceless, then what worth is it to anyone?
thanks tubbz, for the hugz.
I've never had a dream come true Till the day that I found you Even though I pretend that I've moved on You'll always be my baby I never found the words to say You're the one I think about each day And I know no matter where life takes me to A part of me will always be with you -S Club 7
The cup of sorrow, bitter and sweet, it was lost the moment...that moment...
Sometimes, all it really takes is a flick of the switch, to solve a complexity and by Hilary Duff: if its over, let it go and, come tomorrow, it would seem so yesterday... if and only if...if and only if...
and, i'm doing my job, is it that hard? Rhetorics, Rhetorics
Thanks Deb, for all the help ya've been offering...
Pleasant Dreams and Nights people I feel so...empty
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i got this email...from some random sender... look at it this way, Seraphina is my wife...and she ain't gonna be doing no GM shit...ROFL
Am i supposed to be affected? I don't even know what to talk about sometimes do you? lol... It was you who 1st put your hand in mine but i suppose i was fool to believe...i just didn't heed the warnings... and so i waltzed along...and now i need a new partner and you blame me... Me, the beggar the sinner the slave the student the son but not the confidante, not the friend, not anyone signifcant... but the world is full of hypocrities, sadly i'm one at times...
I'm not who i am but who you imagine me to be until I become God or psychic, and can scry your every thought and action, its nonsense when anyone says they know someone else
but we try and we try its always about others, isn't it? if only everyone thought the same it may not be so bad...
just needed to release some pent up emotions and stress Ciao
No one tells me anything Better to close 10 eyes and forget myself... it won't hurt so bad after results come up
i feel so nauseous everyday...migraine? Or something else? =X
i really should see others who who they are, and who they are not, who they can never be their dreams and aspirations... maybe i can do a self discovery...
or could i just be waiting to see them fall?
We won YJC 3 points... the only thing i was truly happy about is that i saw Zza... strange, the moment of nostalgia i thought i had become numb
as they walk into the sunset hand in hand i couldn't help but wander, wander, wander...away
i'll love to walk down the beach with you sunset lovers and by sunrise, bitter enemies, forever
and here's a friend who treasures old times more than me his name is yang and he's 2 days younger than me he's more direct than me, and more sarcastic never met a dude more blunt, he is ever quick-witted
and i'm thankful to him, for his ever "kindly" reminders he tries to correct my errors, with his hokkien literature often they hardly dent my edges, but i'm forever indebted
so here's a little appreciation, a little tribute to a real good friend, a real fine comrade keep the expletives going dude!
Who smiles when they're in pain apparently me, duh...thus my quiet composure today Ah, what joy, Oh what Love Just forget the world, and be happy. I'm alone, and I'm fine Shoo fly, don't bother me. sigh, no one understands
Ain't it great, from place to place its always my fault perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
today, Bio SPA watching tadpoles breathe...and they were the size of me thumb Mr Yeow gave a timely reminder: Mind Over Matter People
I will not let man nor matter bring me down i will not let this shoulder problem nor asthma get in my way i want, and i will get... VERY PHYSICAL!!! MUAHAHAHAH
Take a photograph, It'll be the last, Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,
I don't have a past I just have a chance, Not a family or honest plea remains to say,
Rain rain go away, Come again another day, All the world is waiting for the sun.
Is it you I want, Or just the notion Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around
Safe to say from here, You're getting closer now, We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be
Rain rain go away, Come again another day, All the world is waiting for the sun.
Rain rain go away, Come again another day, All the world is waiting for the sun.
To lie here under you, Is all that I could ever do, To lie here under you is all, To lie here under you is all that i could ever do, To lie here under you is all,
Rain rain go away, Come again another day, All the world is waiting for the sun.
Rain rain go away, Come again another day, All the world is waiting for the sun, All the world is waiting for the sun, All the world is waiting for the sun.
I'm not unreasonable, just make me see reason I'm willing to change, just let me see your grounds If all little things add up, its you, my friends that really, really matter to me for when i'm old and dying, its YOU PEOPLE who i'll have left
Don't Hate Me
and there are some things that cannot be done by my left and vice-versa, and it makes sense... just like you need 2 to clap, it takes 2 to live a life 1 to act, the other to correct Ain't this world perfect?
Smile, and let your hair down, for it will all end soon
It take a mediator 1-on-1 to show the little things that've gone wrong forgive me, for i'm myopic, in both senses, narrow-minded, and shallow but i'm always willing to change
don't blame me for being selfish, i wasn't like this till JC but it runs deep when your world threatens to crumble i'm not yet strong enough to grace the people around me
its the truth, i overlooked something and i've err-ed i'm sad it took so long, but i'll still say this:
it doesn't matter to me anymore... not unless you're willing to talk about this...i'll wait, if you still want to....
I'm hurt... really, hurt that i doubted the care that my friends had for me and it took a shoulder to realise that..
Regretted transferring from AJ? nope Regretted everyday, seeing the bore and chore? nope
the only thing left, is the friendship lost I don't regret meeting you and I don't regret going out with you and the NEL gang the only thing, is the reaction that you gave
Doom, Gloom... How long its been since I've used those words I've changed over the year, or perhaps only the vocab has... the meanings are always still the same Ha.Ha.Ha its really really hard, but know this: The mind is a powerful tool...and yup, new blog skin...haha the old one too dreary and full of misery
Its easy to smile, after all, it takes 15 odd muscles of your jaw i dreamt of XY...which makes me curious whether it be dream or conjuration... but perhaps only when i'm at my weakest mental state
I've not been perfect, but neither have you, so please ignore the next few words, cos they're directed at you (stitches from songs all over)
Have i been caring for others so much that i need not be cared for myself...coincidental really here's Mr.Hoi talking about his dead friend and there i was making the most sardonic laughter...last night, all alone, it really felt so bad, with no hand to hold
Life's a bitch, ride her out
And i loved you for who you were
and ya, lastly, spent the entire afternoon sleeping in the toilet love my sickness...
I'm all smiles and frowns Tears, and Cheers:) cos...I'M ME!
Is it better to have loved and lost or never to have loved at all... Haha, sound familiar, Rach? Not that it applies to me now, just that i saw it on TV... and that's a surprise, cos its been ages that i've looked at the google box... rather tell-tale apt, i think...heehee
I'll just let Baby Girl do all the crying... then Gabe can carry on with his life...and truly, nothing beats a friend's wake-up call it beats ya into action...or at least into a state of motivation...
Forgotten Memories...rather apt don't you think? and people still live their daily lives bah, better stop thinking...it leads nowhere... only for me it leads unto...sadness
It is intolerable that 1 should toil and toil till the end of my days, like a worker bee, leaving all dreams behind, for the sake of a family...
heard this from somewhere...of course not word for word...but the meaning is there and i feel...i mean, it sorta connects to me...oh wells...
even the most hardened woman will cry even the toughest man will shy to flinch or to pinch to fight or to take flight let's make light of the sense in non-sense
up down left right, cardinal points directional failure, missing letters and space filling forms
I sorta feel...empathic...with Chia... but hers...fulfilled moments me...denial...and I'm forever in the guilt...
a world of stars, a world of flies dreams that itch, people that twitch blatant lies, red-handed crimes regrets, regrets, regrets.
i like it...that way i can let go:) its been real black, this little Friday the 13th but its been fun, especially writing all the little notes to everyone:P staying up till 2a.m. is epic, what's more, chem SPA was the OC...hope all went well...lol
so many gifts, so many to be given... to think i went all crazy actually doing something about an event...lucky people:P and as a new chapter ends, perhaps this time mistakes will be learnt from and i can lead that bachelor life:) and i really hated the song dedications...just noise added to more noise...
high time i should begin to turn on my genes that gave me 8 points... time to take this world by storm...or so i think...:P but its a little hard at times...since i like to play...
supper with NEL gang again...wonders why i don't have a NSL gang met new guy...one more addition...and his accent is damn sexy...rofl wish i could be a woman sometimes...to fall in love with the great guys around me:P i didn't mean to betray you JH... sigh...
Dance Dance Dance i want to dance till i drop dance till i flop dance till i cannot see myself anymore
immaturity you say...just how much do you know me?
some dance to remember, some dance to forget...timeless lyrics...
obvious or not i don't know what to do for tmr... so caught up in one thing, i realise that i forget that i have school:P
coffee makes me high...without it i make it to an all-time low my heart hurts...so many scars...but i still got to live on:( my back hurts...i think i'm going to get screwed over tmr...hope a night's rest can soothe things... both emotionally and physically
Rach like totally made me so much happier today... like her appearance...wooh!!! rofl... it was so comic, her seating in the teacher's chair, while Mr.Hoi taught... bridge was great...:P changed seats with Kat...happier there...i think...then i can ignore some things that happen...
flesh wounds that tear and rend ah, the eternal pain i shall feel my fickle mind, my faithful heart a tail chase i have begun and forever, i shall run this race
A waltz, a jam a march around the merry bends i asked for your audience, you smiled inwardly and gave me the time of my life till sun should set or rain should pour, we'll dance and dance and dance and dance together, forevermore...but such a wish, impossible it seems...
today, a great day blood donation...at least some of my worthless life is brought to someone else maybe not so useless after all...
i love myself, that much i know...its the place where i live in the dictation's of this society that makes it so hard... perhaps i'm too much of a hedonist.
and its a wonder, how innocent we were as children the play acting, the love then a taint came into mine...a scarring ever since, I've been pretty much corrupted...but life has gone and past i gotta worry about the "now"
at times i wish for change, but change at a price whereby the person i want to open up to seems to shut me out and friends around i neglect and drag down... every night i just want to sit down and cry
i'm falling ill, once again and its amazing how small things, untreated, they can swell up pretty large
That twinkle in her eye the smile on her face, i never realised how beautiful she was till that midsummer's night passing and i fell in love with the dancing queen
quiet poetics from that silly me t'was not, and shall never be and still i wish we had never met, so that we would never be a heart of stone i should henceforth cast to be unswayed by men's greatest encumberance: HIMSELF
no doubt she knows that fact
but what i did for you in the month of december, was take care of you as i would have a friend
a love for you goes awry but i'm always here, waiting once again, to be treated as i was before A brother, a friend.
a fool i was to engage in sports i fell down because of the pain...omg
Hey, I think its very unfair to me but its okay, you won't come to love me anyway it seems that we're over before we started and that's great
TODAY<<<<< EPIC ya noe!! lost my notes, to realise that i left them at home THANKS BE TO GOD!!! :)
and nothing more, i mean, how much better could a day get? i love you T26!!!! and rach and cheng too!!!! :)
HUNKS AND BABES!! woohoo and i've stopped smoking, in case anyone thinks otherwise...
And i'm jealous of the relationship Chan has with XinYun right now among the 3 of us, it seems i have drifted apart and poor Edwin goes along being the catalyst to pull everything together but it won't work, cos it may be me she hates what happened in December? and i cry myself to sleep every night thinking about the girl i'm having unrequited love with
how much more false could i possibly get before she realises that...
kinda solemn, kinda ostracised each day becomes bearable, unitil i see things that rile me which need not necessarily be anything that makes sense
though, i wish i could make her see that i treasure friendships before anything else a friend before a love interest; unless your my other
but i'm contented today, really really i am, very happy to be alive dance was somewhat there, though the basics not there, so rather malu crashed Finale Night...their mass dance so much better/fun dinner with chan...more talking, more...fun... i love my friends if only i knew how much they loved me back
had much fun, mainly at Cheng's expense though...heehee:) rushed over from Choo's place, full of...rock and roll, YEAH! no chronological sequence...lol
but yea, though i had to lie, i had to kick, bite and roar, i didn't regret the decision... though i did regret what i had to do... self insight, into my pretty pretty little self... BUT i'm not a weirdo Chia!!! abnormal maybe...heehee
Give me a reason to live; it'll be my daily reminder Give me a reason to hope; It shall be my inspiration to keep This is my stand, this is my conviction For to gripe and to sulk, is not the way of the hongee
A great hmmm a great hoo haa... bio homework is intense, i think we're all screwed... wait, that pertains only to me, since i don't know anything right? na no big deal, dunno then dunno lo, got no entertainment at home too ma
ok, gripes over, time to start working: on how to remember ingrates
hey Drea, perhaps its not to stay happy, but to nurture hate till it blows over, seems to work fine, and i'm not dying no more
its always him, yet its not his fault i shan't keep him any longer he's yours without a care
life life life, work work work love is not part of the equation
Today wasn't so bad i only died once, but still it gave intense agony how can i fake a smile, when the smiles will be even more fake? ahaha, a fake, fake smile...i like the sound of that irony and the letter e is missing in the word woman: woeman, woemen, cos that's what they do...woe man...but that is not a totally fair statement
basketball ended early, but even then headache came along...so both ways i may have left early... Clara joining volleyball...good luck to her? Gabriel left a lot of homework...good luck to him? It would be that time of the year again...the love day but loveless i shall be, for i got no one to my name:P and when the dust settles and the choice has to be made what will i do what will she do what can we do?
and yea, i'm supposed to be the unluckiest this year like seriously unlucky... cos my grandmama has our fortune taken for the family every year so...still want to confess?
I want to tell you i like you but its the wrong year, wrong time, and this time, no more "after A levels" cos there might not be enough pieces left to put me together
我就是心太软,心太软 is it time yet? for me to die? cos either i may die of coughing, die of weakness, or just die of heartbreak i've become so pathetic...even i loath myself now
you cannot imagine how taxing this is, to continously hold this heartache to just feel so fucked up, so...disgruntled
so much for telling Jess and Mama everything... i tried, really i did... its the 1st time i even felt optimistic for the day but you can only go so far...try this much before it just crumbles away
I should have been better born dead, so that no one would know of me then i wouldn't cause hurt to those around me... then i wouldn't see the hurt she causes me day by day...
its funny, how much i could take in secondary school its funny, how i didn't have fitness problems in J1 am i worrying myself sick? na, the 2 lovey doves couldn't care less either way
stay strong kid, so that you might live to die, again and again and again
Its touched me no less, its touched me no more to you, i gotta be that eyesore
i'm am going on a mental cruise to nowhere soon there's nothing left that needs to be said doubt i can be emo any longer thing is, i'm unsure of my future ya noe, people often have dreams of their future that really happens? well, i've got none anymore...no impression that i'm going to have more of life
so no point being emo, when your already six feet under cough, cough, cough, but it really doesn't matter
so would say its 自找 i just find that it was a mix of both but I've been brooding, yes and for that i'm blacklisted "emo"...ever thought or the word pensive?
cried in the bus today, you those hard, body-racking sobs? i think pressure has finally caught up to me...
oh wells, nothing gained, distractions, distractions i could kill anyone anytime
Ah, when you have time constraints, discipline kicks in very well...albeit almost too late homework!!!!
yesterday was the 2nd time i gambled...cos i hate gambling, cos i cannot win
lost somewhere between 8-10 bucks... but i made some dudes lose more...NO HARD FEELINGS K!!!! i can't do anything about my lousy luck:)
thus, yesterday was the 2nd time i gambled...cos i hate gambling, cos i cannot win
today, sorta laid back, but i just can't help but think about you...hmmm
oh wells, school's tmr, i'll see what goes, especially since homework is just smiling at me:) muacks muacks muacks,
and if ur wondering why i take so many pictures of cats... despite me hating them i also dunno:P they seem...photogenic i guess... Dogs just don't stand still, and you don't see strays around much Birds fly away Humans will think you strange any more questions?
you talk to everyone but me you look at everyone but me ah, indeed, i'm like a ghost in a shell nothing seen, nothing heard and certainly nothing to be felt
For all the years that I've known you baby I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold (didn't you say) If there's a problem we should work it out So why you giving me the cold shoulder now Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl (tell me) OK I know I was late again I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin) But why are you making this thing drag on so long (I wanna know) I'm sick and tired of this silly game (silly games) Don't think that I'm the only one here to blame It's not me here who's been going round slamming doors That's when you turned and said to me I don't care babe who's right or wrong I just don't love you no more.
(chorus) Rain outside my window pouring down What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry Feeling like a fool cause I let you down Now it's, too late, to turn it around I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry I guess this time it really is goodbye You made it clear when you said I just don't love you no more
I know that I made a few mistakes But never thought that things would turn out this way Cause I'm missing something now that your gone (I see it all so clearly) Me at the door with you in a state (in a state) Giving my reasons but as you look away I can see a tear roll down your face That's when you turned and said to me I don't care babe who's right or wrong I just don't love you no more.
(back to chorus)
Those simple words hit so hard They turned my whole world upside down Girl, you caught me completely off guard On that night you said to me I just don't love you no more
